Curtis Dahlgren
November 28, 2012
By Curtis Dahlgren

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE EAST, not long ago, four diplomats go into a bar. They sit down at a table and a waitress says, "Would you like menus?" and they say yes. "Would you like something to drink?" she says.

The Muslim said 'just water.' The American said 'milk'; the Hebrew said 'wine'; and the atheist ordered a mixed drink.

As she left them to look over the menus, in came a young man who just escaped from an insane asylum. He sat down at a table nearby and listened to the dips talk. The Muslim put down his menu and said, "Well, have you made up your minds?"

"Hold your horses," said the Hebrew. "What's your hurry?"

The atheist said, "I'm getting heartburn; I think I'll just have another drink."

The American said, "You know what I want? I really want us to bless the food before we eat. After all, it is Thanksgiving."

"No way," said the Muslim. "I'm facing the wrong direction."

"No way," said the Hebrew. "I'm facing the wrong direction too."

"No way," said the atheist. "You're all crazy!"

"I will overlook that demeaning remark," muttered the boy from the asylum to himself.

The waitress came back, took their orders, and left with the menus, overlooking the boy in her haste.

The American cleared his throat again and says, "Come on. How about it?"

One of the others said, "If you're going to bring up religion again, I'm leaving."

The boy from the asylum stood up and says, "Hey, just a minute here. I can help you solve your problem."

"All right," said the atheist. "If you think you're so smart, go ahead." So the boy says:

"First you face the prevailing westerly wind and thank your God. Then you face the south pole and thank their God.

"Then you face the east wind and thank their God. Then you face the North Star and thank God — and if you're an atheist you can thank
yourself for the food.

"Then — you get down off your high horse and put four on the floor — your two hands and your two knees, like this.

"Then you cross your ankles, put your hands on your head, and your forehead on the floor, with your elbows on your knees.

"Then you just squeeze. Make yourself small by looking like a ball.

"And now you're ready to pray for peace. Who wants to go first?"

The boy smiled, got up off the floor, and looked around. The door was just closing and the four dips were gone. "Another miracle," he says. "Now I can eat in peace at last."

The waitress brought the four orders and put them on the table. The boy says, "They just went to the bathroom, I think."

As soon as the waitress was gone, he says "Praise the Lord; the Lord provides." He drank the drinks, ate all the food he could, and picked up one of the bills the dips had left on the table and sat down at his table.

A waiter came by and said, "Oh, did you want to see a menu?" And the boy says:

"No thanks. I'm not hungry anymore."

As he went out the door, he says out loud, "This was the best Thanksgiving ever. Thanks a LOT, pilgrims!"

© Curtis Dahlgren


The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
(See RenewAmerica's publishing standards.)

Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)


Receive future articles by Curtis Dahlgren: Click here

Latest articles


Alan Keyes
Why de facto government (tyranny) is replacing the Constitution (Apr. 2015)

Stephen Stone
Will Obama be impeached now that Republicans control both houses of Congress? (Nov. 2014)

Laurie Roth
Third Debate - Smooth -- smiling Hillary appeared paranoid -- arrogant -- conspir

J. Matt Barber
The crucifixion of Judge Roy Moore

Dan Popp
Montanism, legalism and Trumpism

Kurt Kondrich
Down syndrome Awareness -- my greatest assignment!

Frank Maguire
Altar-ing our self: the passion for destruction

Curtis Dahlgren
A column for the ages ("powerful women"?)

Bryan Fischer
The only thing you need to know on November 8

Selwyn Duke
No, Trump should not accept the results of a possibly stolen election

Lloyd Marcus
Hillary Clinton: America's most dangerous "enemy within"

Michael Bresciani
The tale of two Hillarys -- and one Donald Trump

Jen Shroder
The good in Donald Trump

Frank Louis
Worried Trump will get us into war? With Hillary there will be nothing left to fight for!
  More columns


Click for full cartoon
More cartoons

RSS feeds



Matt C. Abbott
Chris Adamo
Russ J. Alan
Bonnie Alba
Jamie Freeze Baird
Chuck Baldwin
Kevin J. Banet
J. Matt Barber
. . .
[See more]

Sister sites