Curtis Dahlgren
A funny thing happened on the way to NO-topia
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By Curtis Dahlgren
November 7, 2018

"I wasn't born yesterday; while you're messing with the opposition, lying, it won't be a blessing when it all comes to fruition." – C.D. (I should've been a rapper)

"The essence of Government is power; and power, lodged as it must be in human hands, will ever be liable to abuse." – Madison, Wisconsin's namesake (did you know he's banned there now?)

ONE HUNDRED AND ONE YEARS AGO, the Nihilists were taking over Mother Russia; 500 years ago, Machiavelli said, "Morality and ethics are for the weak; powerful people should feel free to lie, cheat, and deceive."

We were warned, about concentrated power, by "we the People" in 1776 and by the hicks in the sticks in 2014 (the bitter clingers). And it's getting ugly out dere. The natives are restless. In 2014 only 30 percent of the people thought America was headed in the right direction. Shoot, I said, we probably have that many masochists (and in 2018, even more evidently). Remember the issue of affordable hellth care? If you have a heart attack standing in line to buy toilet paper someday, lotsa luck (LOL). If you get one of those thingies that lasts "four hours," forget about finding a doctor "immediately"! What's a doctor? And if you like government-run hellth care, you'll love the government-approved food (where's the beef?).

Where's the trust in the DC Establishment when the inmates are running the asylum, to coin a phrase? Socialism is such a fantasy, a simplistic fantasy. It drove my grandpa to drink debating it in the early 1900s, and yet there's always a new generation to fall for it. People commit theft as well as adultery with the eyes. It's time to smash the utopian "inevitability" myth once and for all.

Just think: One leaker in the government and all your medical secrets are on the Internet. If you're a traditional conservative, your information could be on late night "comedy." Like if you're a vet with only one eye, for instance (that happened). As a school boy during the Cold War I never imagined live to see the day when people might ask the Russians for asylum to get away from the Secret Police at Foggy Bottom, or K Street. Angela Merkel's phone was tapped during the previous Administration and the Left just yawned, but they had a cow when Dubya just tapped her on the shoulder.

Speaking of 2013, one Sunday I saw the front pages of both the Detroit and Chicago newspapers. One said "Detroit is broke" and the Trib said millions of dollars had been wasted on unwise borrowing. Two days later, the Toronto mayor admitted to smoking crack cocaine. Maybe that's how Detroit and Chicago got the way they are. Those aren't "code words" or dog whistles; those are really serious problems that need fixing! The Chicago way, by the way, is "when all else fails, use the whitey treatment" (Whitey Bulger), but let the black kids fight it out in the streets, the modern OK Corral.

President O'Boma never mentioned that problem, but his bully pulpit was a pulpit bully on other issues. He was visibly irritated at White House prayer breakfasts. And his staff apparently didn't try to tell him "you can't say that" when he wrote his famous "If you like your plan, you can keep your plan" on the back of an envelope on his way to Gettysburg. We all knew you wouldn't be able to keep the same plan if Uncle Sam mandated coverage of everything from rubbers to hip boots (the latter could fall under the term "medical devices" since they involve the outdoors and physical fitness, and might be taxed as such at Farm & Fleet). And there's not a chance that Uncle Sam will rein in the trial lawyers and unnecessary tests with tort reform. Costs went up. We told you so!

And when you lost your insurance, Uncle Sam said, "What we SAID was, 'you can keep your plan if it's not changed' – and Uncle Sam is always for change!

P.S. Well, that's an adaptation of my column from five years ago this week. I thought it was appropriate for the day after an election. I went to bed at my usual 8 o'clock or so last night and slept like a baby. I cried all night. Kidding! The thing to take away from Tuesday's results is that we need to pray for our nation more fervently than ever.

By the way, where WAS God? Well, as someone said, "The teacher is always silent during a test." And that was a test! I would give the voters a B minus or a C+. Could have been worse. Those "experts" were wrong as usual about their polls and the "blue wave." You have to give election workers credit in Milwaukee though. They found 40-some thousand uncounted votes for governor at the 11th hour, and some of them have to be "recreated"! Scott Walker hasn't conceded yet as I speak.

I moved to Michigan to get away from Wisconsin taxes before the Walker era. In Wisconsin post-Walker, I might have to move to the Deep South or something. Like Honduras. They don't realize how well off they have it down there. A funny thing happened on the way to their Utopia too. "NO PLACE"!

PPS: This isn't my funny material. You have to follow me on Facebook for that. Seriously, my final word today is:

The Deep Swamp in DC says "Don't cram your religion down our throats; but WE want to cram our Power down your throat." I say:

"Our religion is too big to fit down your throat, and your 'power' is too puny to scare us."

We will live to write another day.

© Curtis Dahlgren

 

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Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)

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