Jane Fonda's "coming out" party!

By Debbie Daniel

Well, well, well! While the United States is engaged in combat against terrorists in Iraq, our ubiquitous Hanoi Jane can't seem to get a handle on attaining maximum attention from her most recent book tour promoting herself. Please don't question that statement; what else could she have possibly wanted to do when she entitled her book: "My Life So Far"? Gee, I certainly wanted an update, didn't you?

And then today we hear . . . "I've decided I'm coming out," says Miss Fonda. She went on to say, "I can't go into detail except to say that it's going to be pretty exciting."

Yippeeeee! It sounds like fun already!

Wow! Coming out of where? Coming out to do what? I'm sitting here with bated breath, aren't you?

Jane Fonda keeps "coming out" — reinventing herself as often as "Tide" comes out with a new and improved detergent. What could this woman possibly need in her life that she craves attention so badly that now she wants to parade through the streets of America on a tour bus calling for an end to U.S. military operations in Iraq?

Wasn't sitting on an anti-aircraft gun with communists in North Vietnam enough, or does she need to relive such an exciting time in her life?

Get ready, she may be coming to a town near you — raise the Jane Fonda flag and greet her with open arms and give her a hero's welcome.

She says she's doing this because war veterans have encouraged her to break her silence. I've never known Jane Fonda to be silent, so now she wants to talk? Now she needs to demonstrate her "real" feelings?

Go ahead, Miss Fonda, mount yourself on top of a tour bus just as you straddled that communist anti-aircraft gun in position to shoot down American pilots in Vietnam. Will you have some terrorists along for the ride as you did with the North Vietnamese?

Will you be in some simulated position as if to shoot down American soldiers who would dare try to win a war against terrorism? Go ahead and give us a little snapshot of what message you want to convey after strong encouragement from our veterans.

Hmm, it was our very own veterans that helped you see the light? Who else but a war veteran could have motivated you to spend the next eight months getting prepared for your biggest effort ever against your country's position to protect itself against terrorism? The veterans made you do it, huh?

That's right, Miss Fonda, COME ON OUT, and show us once again how bad we are. Show the American people the error of their ways. And do it right here at home — right in our faces. This time you don't even have to go to the enemy's territory to make your case, we can all see the picture clearly from here. There won't be any mistaking who that lady is on top of the tour bus with a gun pointed at an American soldier. It will be YOU and we can all witness it together.

When will your parade schedule be printed so that we can certainly be in attendance as you pass in review?

You've had so many "coming outs" that we just can't keep up with them all. Your "coming out" as a born-again Christian; your "coming out" as a proponent for abortion-on-demand; and then your early tryst to "come out" and be part of a three-some with your husband and another partner because you feared your husband might leave you. Hmmm! That's quite a list of "coming outs," dear lady.

If you'll just let us know the day and hour you'll be passing our way, we will certainly see that a huge uproarious crowd is there to greet you. Maybe we'll line up behind your "vegetable oil" fueled bus and march all the way back to Santa Fe, New Mexico with you.

Boy, that's one way to get a book sold. We know John Kerry will be in the crowd and won't Osama bin Laden be proud?

And this, dear lady, will be proof positive of your desire to once again "aid and abet the enemy."

© Debbie Daniel