Kevin Fobbs
Domestic violence does not take a holiday
By Kevin Fobbs
December 15, 2009

The holiday season can be filled with warm happy families and smiling couples. Yet even during the holiday season domestic violence does not take a break. According to the National Institute of Justice "financial strain and unemployment" can impact rates and severity of intimate partner violence. In addition, escalation of alcohol consumption can create the perfect tsunami for increased stress and unrestrained domestic abuse.

Yet as we attend these festive celebrations we many times turn our heads away simply wishing the discomfort of hearing or seeing violent physical outbursts and abuse away. The violence does not slip away nor is it a minor inconvenience for the victim. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." Ephesians 5:25

Domestic abuse can touch anyone. Look at the popular singers Chris Brown and Rihanna who purportedly had a very "loving" relationship — until Chris beat Rihanna until she needed hospitalization. Rihanna rejected Chris' pleas of "I'm sorry" and "I made a mistake" and "I'll never do it again." She didn't give him another opportunity to do it again; that was his LAST chance. Good for her!

There is a double standard being practiced in many households during this holiday season. On one hand as families gather to celebrate and embrace the birth of the son of God, Jesus Christ, there is this tendency to ignore Christ's message; yet his values and his principles ask that we respect and love one another as we love ourselves. It is a direct affront to God to claim moral piety while engaging in immoral physical abuse and destruction of a wife, girlfriend, or loved one.

It is important that as we use Christ's love to help guide us, we too must show respect to each other in order to gain respect from one another. "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:33

The first step in tackling behavioral abusive escalation is to have a plan!

  • First, as an observer try to isolate the instigator by diverting the conversation and the person to another room.

  • Second, if not the victim, help the victim/target out of the room,

  • Third, recommend alcohol products be put away.

  • Fourth, if you are the victim, keep blame and subjective finger-pointing to an absolute minimum and leave the room.

  • Fifth, keep alcoholic drinks limited to a celebratory toast that is agreed upon in advance.

  • Sixth, make a new years resolution to love yourself enough to feel your life is worth preserving.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, don't offer another chance; don't explain away his mood or temper; don't blame yourself; just get away from him. Your life may depend upon it.

Men should denounce domestic abuse so that their sons, nephews, brothers, and grandsons will then grow up to be respectful men, responsible other words: Real Men of biblical principle.

This holiday season do something for yourself or someone you love: when you see signs of domestic violence in your own life or in that of others contact: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY). Get help before it's too late.

After all, this is the season of love.

© Kevin Fobbs


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Kevin Fobbs

Kevin Fobbs is founder and president of a policy organization called National Urban Policy Action Council (NuPac), that supports conservative colorblind solutions to universal issues and domestic policies that impact urban America... (more)


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