Gabriel Garnica
February 21, 2013
Good things come to those who bait
By Gabriel Garnica

I wish I had come up with the catchy phrase above but, as far as I can tell, the original author is unknown, so I cannot give credit where credit is due. Fishing probably started five minutes after the first person got hungry near water, and the first catchy fishing phrase was invented a few minutes after that. Fishing has become such a metaphor in so many areas of life that coming up with applications of this imagery is like shooting fish in a barrel. A fish tale is a great big lie, and something is fishy when it is suspicious. Bait means something one uses to reel someone in, where one might try a bait and switch on them and give them something they did not expect. Of course, perhaps the most famous fishing phrase is the classic Chinese proverb Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

Well, the Chinese philosopher who came up with that beauty clearly did not know liberals, the American Democratic Party, or Barack Obama. With all due respect to that ancient philosopher's wisdom, let me introduce you to the Left's 12 Step Fishing Transformation.
  1. Convince enough people that fishing is not easy and they might not always be in the mood to sit for hours and end up with nothing to show for it. Besides, fish smell bad and you have to cut them up after which would only be acceptable if they were not born yet. Finally, the particular fish you are trying to catch might be endangered which should be illegal to do anyway.

  2. Convince enough people to believe that only the Left in general, and Obama in particular, can restore their sanity, or at least relieve them of the burden to make any important decisions over their own lives. Why get worked up having to worry about fishing when Barry can do it for you?

  3. Convince enough people to turn over their will and lives to the care of Obama and the Left for, as Chris Rock and Ellen Barkin have stated, he is the answer to the question "Who's Your Daddy?"

  4. Allow Barry to declare fishing rods dangerous, initiate rod control, and force anyone with a fishing rod to register daily with the police plus pay heavy monthly fines.

  5. Banish any proper education of how to fish from society, including the schools, so that, eventually, people won't even know how to hold a fishing rod much less catch any fish on their own.

  6. Employ media worms to bait and brainwash the increasingly oblivious with the notions that Barry's Bunch should handle all fishing and that it is not fair that some fishermen seem to catch more fish than the rest of us. Publish tons of stories showing how the Bunch is noble and Barry can fish, hunt, and wink with the best of them.

  7. Eventually, force good fishermen to divide their catch among everyone, including those who would not fish if their lives depended on it and others who demand extra fish they have not caught to feed their large families. Provide free fishing hats and cell phones to those who support you.

  8. Convince all of the above that they are entitled to freshly caught fish daily because they have been deprived of fish for so long while others caught so many fish thanks to the pure dumb luck of being born into wealthy families with better fishing resources. Use the race card often.

  9. Patronize and condescend all of the above by helping them rationalize, justify, and excuse their past inability to catch fish, and promising them that, as long as you are running the show, they will get their fair share of fish no matter what happens, so they need not worry about actually learning how to fish on their own.

  10. Refuse to provide fish to the sick, elderly, or anyone who refuses to acknowledge any step in this program as such people only get in the way most of the time. Do this indirectly through red tape.

  11. Jump on any tragic fishing accident or incident to further your general fishing transformation plan, employing fawning media and entertainment types delusional enough to think their opinions matter as foot soldiers holding your net. Blame such incidents on dangerous fishing rods.

  12. Having nationalized fishing, brainwashed the oblivious, bullied the dissident, and embraced the fawning media and entertainment elite, declare that the price of continued fish is the promise of one ( or more ) votes.
To whit, I leave you with two closing, and appropriate, quotes on this topic:

Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths. Author Unknown.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore looking like an idiot. Steven Wright

© Gabriel Garnica


The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
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