Joe Wilson should have apologized: here's how

By Eric Giunta

The Unholy Disquisition of the House of Representatives has just disciplined Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) for his refusal to apologize for his controversial outburst late last Wednesday. Conservative punditry is, by and large, of the opinion that Rep. Wilson need not answer before Grand Disquisitor Pelosi, some going so far as to suggest that his private apology to President Obama was itself gratuitously unnecessary, even detrimental to the conservative cause.

But rather than fall trap to a kind of genetic fallacy, perhaps we should consider whether Speaker Pelosi might have been justified in her demand, that a public apology of some sort may have been called for. I believe that was, and that it should have gone something like this:

Madame Speaker:

Distinguished Members of the United States Congress:

I come before you today to offer my heartiest contrition for the display I made about a week ago, Wednesday last, before this House of Representatives, to the President of these United States. As you all know, I publicly interrupted the President's speech, and accused him of lying before the Congress and before the American people.

I should have known better. For starters, it's not for me to publicly presume on the intentions of any man. It may well be that the President is so grossly out of tune with his own legislation, so gravely inept in the administration of his duties, that he really did believe, and still does, that his Health Care Bill would not fund treatment for illegal aliens. For this most wretched insensitivity of mine, I beg forgiveness.

As a public official myself, I should also have been sensitive to the very real possibility that the President relies on false information provided him by his closest collaborators, on whom he cannot help but rely in the execution of his most solemn duties. And so my sentiments should probably have been aimed at those advisors. So here goes: "You Lie, Binky!" (I am unaware of any House rule prohibiting me from using this occasion to call out the lies of a sitting teleprompter when he is not present. If I have just now violated such a rule, I again apologize. Given the "living" nature of our legal instruments, it's hard for me to keep up with these things!)

These two possibilities aside (Presidential ignorance and/or overreliance), I honestly find it hard to believe that our President truly was unaware of the fact that his legislation lacked any enforcement mechanism whatsoever which would give teeth to his pledge. Such pretenses to inculpable ignorance don't pass the Google test: even a rudimentary perusal of conservative critiques of his proposals would bring the aforementioned omission to his attention. In the immemorial words of the distinguished Senator from Minnesota, I believe the President to be a lying liar who tells lies. Still, last Wednesday's address before the House was an inappropriate venue for expressing that sentiment of mine. I should have waited until after the speech, and made my feelings known in personal interviews and press releases. Again, I heartily apologize.

I feel I must go still further, and I beg your most gracious indulgence as I do so: I hereby apologize to all representatives of my district, and to all Americans, for not making my candid thoughts on the President's moral integrity known sooner. There is no telling how many people I led astray by such a glaring omission. And for that I am sorry.

And yet I must go further still. I feel the American people deserve yet another apology, on behalf of both myself and the Republican Party, of which I am a proud, if conflicted, member. Some nine years ago, you the People entrusted the sacred trust of the Presidency to our care, and so it was for eight years. For most of that time, we also controlled both Houses of Congress. And what do we have to show for it? Virtually nothing. This beautiful nation of ours has not moved an inch further to the political right. For that I am sorry.

Our public leadership, all three branches of it, are dominated by far-leftist ideologues. The United States still has one of the most liberal abortion laws in the civilized world. A woman may have an abortion on demand at any stage of her pregnancy, as long as the procedure is not carried out by an induced breach-birth. Doctors lack important conscience protections, and taxpayer dollars regularly fund abortions at home and abroad. The leader of the free world is an open advocate of what even the typical pro-choicer must regard as infanticide. The United States is also the most powerful financier of Communist China's policy of forced abortions and sterilizations. For that I am sorry.

And speaking of sterilizations, one of our President's closest advisors, his science czar, has advocated for the constitutional legality of such procedures in America. Every Republican senator voted to confirm him. For that I am sorry.

Today, more states than ever perform marriages for those afflicted with gender-identity disorders which cause them to misplace their sexual desires. A Republican-dominated representative government failed to do so much as present a Marriage Amendment before the states for a fair vote. For that I am sorry.

We Republicans failed to do anything to repeal Carter-era legislation which forced banks to give loans to people who could not possibly afford the responsibility, thus precipitating the economic crisis which the current President has simply accelerated. For that I am sorry.

We Republicans failed to adequately contain the jihad in Iraq. That country, whose Christian population has been decimated since the 2003 invasion, is on its way to becoming a sharia state, all because we were late to implement the right strategy. We failed to make a compelling case to the American people for our foreign policy, allowing clueless leftists to win the propaganda war. The fruits of that, a present government dominated entirely by these ideologues, will hurt your children and grandchildren in the long-run. For that, I am sorry.

On behalf of myself and the Republican Party, let me take this time to beg forgiveness not only of the American people, but of their sovereign Creator, that Providential Eye which so inspired and illumined the minds of our nation's Founding Fathers. We conservatives had almost eight years to turn this nation in a more Godward direction, inculcating a sense of personal responsibility with a respect for the sanctity of the natural family, of all innocent human life from conception to natural death. We failed, and now we have reaped the fruits: God's unmeritable grace has been withdrawn from the nation, and now we must win it back through sincere repentance. I ask my colleagues to join in my apology before that Sovereign Majesty:

O our God, we are heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and we detest all our sins, because we dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all because they offend Thee, our God, Who are all good and deserving of all our love. We firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to confess our sins, to do penance, and to amend our lives. Amen.

Thank you, Madame Speaker, for giving me the opportunity to apologize before this most honorable assembly.

© Eric Giunta