Jamie Weinstein
King of what?
By Jamie Weinstein
© 2006 Cornell Daily Sun
Just when you thought it wasn't possible for a group of students to pick a graduation speaker worse than Danny Glover, came the announcement in The Sun on Tuesday that the 2006 Convocation Committee named Martin Luther King III, the son of the famed civil rights leader, as its choice. Don't get me wrong. If the convocation speaker was Martin Luther King, Jr. and not Martin Luther King, Jr.'s junior, I would be absolutely ecstatic.
But the speaker is not the man we celebrate with a day in January. It is his son. And while from the little I have read about him it appears he is a fine human being (I do not mean to impugn him as a person), I think I speak for everyone with maybe the exception of the Convocation Committee — which reportedly voted for King unanimously — when I say this pick was really, really bad. Just plain sucky.
Again, I want to emphasize that I have little doubt that Martin Luther King X is a nice guy. But we are an Ivy League university. You think we could get a great convocation speaker. Or, failing great, a decent one. Instead, I guess the best Cornell can do is a good person who is the son of a great man. And I thought Cornell was supposed to be one of the most prestigious universities in the nation?
Could it be possible that this was the Class of 2006's first choice for Convocation speaker? Are our representatives that bad and unrepresentative of our class as a whole? Perhaps. But more likely, our top choices turned us down. It would be hard to believe, however, that Martin Luther King XVIII was a top 100 choice. There has to be someone at the top of their field in something who is willing to come and be our speaker.
Putting aside the strong likelihood that King was not our first choice, it would be interesting to imagine what the short list must have been for King XLIII to have been the best of the bunch. Through super duper investigative reporting, I was able to obtain this aforementioned short list. What follows are the people that King beat out...barely.
Gallagher
In a tight race, it looks like legendary 1980s comedian Gallagher came in second. If King turned down the offer, the committee would have likely gone with the famed jokester, most noted for his gut-wrenchingly funny watermelon smash. What is the watermelon smash, you ask? Well, just what it sounds like. At the end of his shows, Gallagher would take a mallet and smash a watermelon with it. What a hoot. Gallagher was to the 1980s what Carrot Top is to us today. Except worse.
Danny Glover, again
Four years ago, new lows in the history of convocation speakers were reached when Danny Glover was selected as the 2002 Cornell Convocation speaker. Glover, a mediocre actor and leftist activist, is as bad a choice for graduation speaker as you can get. I mean, if you are going to get some Castro acolyte to dazzle the audience, why not at least get the best Castro acolyte of all, Castro himself? Despite his utter mediocrity, the convocation committee had Glover on the short list again.
Danny Glover's Son
Because everyone likes to break records, the committee considered inviting Danny Glover's son (does he even have a son?). In doing so, they would take the top prize as being the Convocation Committee that could boast the worst convocation speaker of all time in all of human history, beating out, of course, the 2002 committee who selected, well, see above. But the joke is on them. It is not clear that Danny Glover's son is any worse a choice than Danny Glover himself. In fact, he may be better.
Martin Luther's great great great great great great great grandson
The committee actually considered another relative of Martin Luther. But this one was not a relative of Martin Luther King, but rather the Catholic monk who started the Protestant Reformation when he posted his 95 Theses in 1517. However, Luther's modern day relative is blind, deaf and dumb. Even so, the committee still considered inviting him so he could just stand at the podium for 20 minutes, thus fulfilling their role of finding a graduation speaker. Or in this case, a graduation stander.
Rickshaw Rick
Rickshaw Rick was a flower child in the 1960s who went to Asia to find himself and ended up as a rickshaw "driver." He is not a real person. But he was considered for convocation speaker anyway.
As of now I am debating whether I should even go to hear the Convocation speaker on the Saturday before graduation. The choice is between going to hear the speaker or staring at a brick wall for two hours. The "brick wall" option currently has the lead.
But, seriously, Martin Luther King CLXII? As I said, from the little I read about him, he sounds like a nice guy, if not a terribly accomplished one. But there are a lot of nice guys. If nice guy was a criterion, then maybe Dave from Okenshields should be the convocation speaker. And I for one don't think "son of famous guy" should be a criterion for our convocation speaker (unless the "famous guy" in question is Danny Glover).
Our convocation speaker should be among the best in their field, whatever that field may be. And if I were selecting, I would have likely pushed for a great, cutting edge comedian like Dave Chapelle, Jon Stewart, Will Ferrell or Ben Stiller. Instead of some politico preaching tired clichés ("reach for the stars," "make a difference," "be a change you want to see," etc), we would get a hearty dose of witty humor. And, a decade from now, that is something we are likely to remember more than some stupid convocation speech imploring us to achieve our dreams or make the world a better place. Especially if that worn out message is coming from Martin Luther King MDCVII.
© Jamie Weinstein
© 2006 Cornell Daily Sun
Just when you thought it wasn't possible for a group of students to pick a graduation speaker worse than Danny Glover, came the announcement in The Sun on Tuesday that the 2006 Convocation Committee named Martin Luther King III, the son of the famed civil rights leader, as its choice. Don't get me wrong. If the convocation speaker was Martin Luther King, Jr. and not Martin Luther King, Jr.'s junior, I would be absolutely ecstatic.
But the speaker is not the man we celebrate with a day in January. It is his son. And while from the little I have read about him it appears he is a fine human being (I do not mean to impugn him as a person), I think I speak for everyone with maybe the exception of the Convocation Committee — which reportedly voted for King unanimously — when I say this pick was really, really bad. Just plain sucky.
Again, I want to emphasize that I have little doubt that Martin Luther King X is a nice guy. But we are an Ivy League university. You think we could get a great convocation speaker. Or, failing great, a decent one. Instead, I guess the best Cornell can do is a good person who is the son of a great man. And I thought Cornell was supposed to be one of the most prestigious universities in the nation?
Could it be possible that this was the Class of 2006's first choice for Convocation speaker? Are our representatives that bad and unrepresentative of our class as a whole? Perhaps. But more likely, our top choices turned us down. It would be hard to believe, however, that Martin Luther King XVIII was a top 100 choice. There has to be someone at the top of their field in something who is willing to come and be our speaker.
Putting aside the strong likelihood that King was not our first choice, it would be interesting to imagine what the short list must have been for King XLIII to have been the best of the bunch. Through super duper investigative reporting, I was able to obtain this aforementioned short list. What follows are the people that King beat out...barely.
Gallagher
In a tight race, it looks like legendary 1980s comedian Gallagher came in second. If King turned down the offer, the committee would have likely gone with the famed jokester, most noted for his gut-wrenchingly funny watermelon smash. What is the watermelon smash, you ask? Well, just what it sounds like. At the end of his shows, Gallagher would take a mallet and smash a watermelon with it. What a hoot. Gallagher was to the 1980s what Carrot Top is to us today. Except worse.
Danny Glover, again
Four years ago, new lows in the history of convocation speakers were reached when Danny Glover was selected as the 2002 Cornell Convocation speaker. Glover, a mediocre actor and leftist activist, is as bad a choice for graduation speaker as you can get. I mean, if you are going to get some Castro acolyte to dazzle the audience, why not at least get the best Castro acolyte of all, Castro himself? Despite his utter mediocrity, the convocation committee had Glover on the short list again.
Danny Glover's Son
Because everyone likes to break records, the committee considered inviting Danny Glover's son (does he even have a son?). In doing so, they would take the top prize as being the Convocation Committee that could boast the worst convocation speaker of all time in all of human history, beating out, of course, the 2002 committee who selected, well, see above. But the joke is on them. It is not clear that Danny Glover's son is any worse a choice than Danny Glover himself. In fact, he may be better.
Martin Luther's great great great great great great great grandson
The committee actually considered another relative of Martin Luther. But this one was not a relative of Martin Luther King, but rather the Catholic monk who started the Protestant Reformation when he posted his 95 Theses in 1517. However, Luther's modern day relative is blind, deaf and dumb. Even so, the committee still considered inviting him so he could just stand at the podium for 20 minutes, thus fulfilling their role of finding a graduation speaker. Or in this case, a graduation stander.
Rickshaw Rick
Rickshaw Rick was a flower child in the 1960s who went to Asia to find himself and ended up as a rickshaw "driver." He is not a real person. But he was considered for convocation speaker anyway.
As of now I am debating whether I should even go to hear the Convocation speaker on the Saturday before graduation. The choice is between going to hear the speaker or staring at a brick wall for two hours. The "brick wall" option currently has the lead.
But, seriously, Martin Luther King CLXII? As I said, from the little I read about him, he sounds like a nice guy, if not a terribly accomplished one. But there are a lot of nice guys. If nice guy was a criterion, then maybe Dave from Okenshields should be the convocation speaker. And I for one don't think "son of famous guy" should be a criterion for our convocation speaker (unless the "famous guy" in question is Danny Glover).
Our convocation speaker should be among the best in their field, whatever that field may be. And if I were selecting, I would have likely pushed for a great, cutting edge comedian like Dave Chapelle, Jon Stewart, Will Ferrell or Ben Stiller. Instead of some politico preaching tired clichés ("reach for the stars," "make a difference," "be a change you want to see," etc), we would get a hearty dose of witty humor. And, a decade from now, that is something we are likely to remember more than some stupid convocation speech imploring us to achieve our dreams or make the world a better place. Especially if that worn out message is coming from Martin Luther King MDCVII.
© Jamie Weinstein
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