Cold Hard Gore

Now YOU can send a message about global warming

By Tom Kovach

Have you ever wondered how Al Gore managed to turn the media myth of "global warming" into cold, hard cash? Have you ever wished that you could send a message to Al Gore and the "lamestream media"? (I love Joseph Farah's tweak on the "mainstream" media. It's a classic.) Have you ever wondered how you'll be able to make purchases when the presses that make the money are under several feet of water because the polar ice caps have melted?

I have the solution to all of those problems.

Now, you can send a message to Al Gore and his MSM shills. And, you can have fun doing it. And, as if that wasn't enough to put your Fun Meter in the red zone, there's even a way to beat the system and get a huge discount at the same time. What could possibly give politically-savvy readers so much cerebral glee? My new book, Cold Hard Gore. It's cold, it's hard-core, and it's ... funny!

The concept is simple. In his Leftist arrogance, Al Gore has jetted around the globe to preach the dire future of "global warming." And, what causes that catastrophic media myth? Why, all of you pesky humans, of course. Even some native in a thatch hut in a jungle somewhere uses entirely too much energy, according to the Left-wing spinmeisters. But, while preaching that everyone else should cut back, Al Gore has an electric bill of $1,300 per month — and, that's at only one of his several homes! (He also has a gas bill of more than $1,000 per month.) When confronted about his hypocritical energy consumption, Gore and his staff came up with a lame excuse. They say that, because his "work" is designed to curtail pollution (by flying around the world in jets to promote his book and "documentary" on global warming), Mr. Gore is able to earn something called "carbon-offset credits." Therefore, at the end of his fuel-guzzling, fume-burning, electricity-wasting day, Al Gore becomes what they called "carbon neutral."

Well, at various times in my life, I've been working for good causes, but it has caused me to become a little "cash neutral." I'm sure that some of you have felt that same condition. I never realized just how noble it was to not be able to pay a few bills.

But, now, there's hope! My new book, Cold Hard Gore contains a spoof on that phony-baloney "carbon-offset credit." My version is called the "Cash-Offset Credit." The book is full of them. Whenever you go into a place of business, if it is owned by Left-wing Democrats, just pull out a few "Cash-Offset Credits" with which to pay your bill. If the owned balks, then tell him that you got the noble idea from Al Gore. Tell him that "Cash-Offset Credits" are "backed with the full credibility of the global warming hypothesis." How could any Left-winger refuse that?

Now, just to make sure that those of us in the "well-funded, vast, Right-wing conspiracy" hold ourselves to the highest environmental standards, you can even download the book. By getting the download version, imagine how many trees won't be cut down. And, you'll save a few drops of gasoline in that Postal Service truck. As your reward, you'll also get it much faster. (And, if you save the file, then you can continue to print your own "Cash-Offset Credits" for years to come. Imagine how much food you'll be able to purchase with these handy chits when the US economy goes under ... water.)

The download version is only two dollars. And, the print version is only nine dollars. By purchasing a copy of Cold Hard Gore, you'll be joining thousands of your fellow conservatives (and Constitutionalists!) across America in sending a signal to Al Gore and his MSM shills. And, imagine what a great conversation starter those coupons will be. Suggested uses: try to pay for a subscription to a Left-tilting newspaper, purchase a copy of Al Gore's book, buy a ticket to see a Susan Sarandon movie, or buy some goodies at a teachers' union bake sale. How could any loyal Left-winger refuse to accept payment when you are holding Cold Hard Gore?

And, of course, the "best revenge" would be if the New York Times had to include it on their best-seller list. That would send a message about how many people don't believe Al Gore . (I wonder how many copies of An Inconvenient Truth were sold in Pulaski, New York, in recent weeks. There was so much snow — thanks to global warming, of course — that people couldn't get to the grocery store, much less the book store.) Help send that message to the Left. Buy your copy of Cold Hard Gore now.

© Tom Kovach