Ape in high heels flap flips Libs

By Rev. Austin Miles

CLAY, W. VIRGINIA 11/25/16 – Not much happens in this sleepy little town of W. Virginia. That is until recently. The entire quiet area encompasses 0.62 square miles, hosting a population of 8,910, all who live below the poverty line. So it is not a place that draws national interest or attention.

However, after Donald Trump's election as president, Pamela Ramsey Taylor, who was director of the Clay County Development Corp., posted on social media, "It will be so refreshing to have a classy, beautiful dignified First Lady back in the White House."

So far, so good. BUT she added this: "I'm tired of seeing a ape in high heels." Uh oh!

Clay Mayor Beverly Whaling responded to that post: "You just made my day." Suddenly, that obscure little town, named for U.S. Senator and Secretary of State Henry Clay, was no longer obscure.

A national outrage burst forth like water through a ruptured dam and the entire town and its officials were declared "racist," the all-encompassing word to hit your perceived enemies in the head with the power of a 2 by 4.

Both Mayor Whaling and Director Taylor were forced to resign in the midst of the whirling sandstorm powered by loquacious air currents.

This chain of events needed authoritative counsel, so the entire matter was turned over to MilesTones for clarification. Here is their specialized analysis:

Many people refer to others as apes from time to time over questionable decisions or actions. How can being compared to an ape be objectionable? After all, the public schools, colleges and universities teach for fact that Darwinism explains the origins of the universe, and...us. OK, tell us more.

These learned professionals state that we (human species) descended from primates. This columnist remembers attending a class of Anthropology in 2006 taught by Instructor Gail Bouchet at Los Medanos College located in Pittsburg, California. She made several statements about "Chimpanzees, our closest relatives."

They may have been her relatives, but I can say with certainty that primates, including apes, are not mine. Yet, this is what is taught by all secular bastions of education during this perplexing judo exercise in history.

One assignment given to the class was to visit the San Francisco zoo to observe the apes, who, we were taught, belong to our family. To be proper, should we have worn suits?

So, if this is fact, as all students today are inoculated to believe, then how can anyone be insulted if compared to an ape? That doesn't jibe since the liberal professors pour the theory of evolution into what's left of our brains.

So if we are to obey and believe "the scholars," which they demand that we do, how can it possibly be an insult to be compared to an ape? Indeed, the ape is the one that should be offended.

Apes are magnificent, noble creatures, who are very family oriented, excellent protective parents, social beings, and not violent unless they are provoked. They are honorable beasts.

So it is the apes that should be given the apology, for being compared to human beings, who murder their babies before they are born, declare wars for financial gain, allow prices for lifesaving medicines to skyrocket for the personal profits of the drug manufacturers who withhold their life-saving products until one can come up with the cash, and too, humans evict people who cannot pay the increase of rent demanded. An ape would never do such things. Unlike humans, they are decent creatures.

Now the big question: If something evolves into something else, that result is what remains forever. The former creature that we evolved from would eventually be no more (under the "survival of the fittest" notion). So why do we still see apes and chimps prominently in existence? They could no longer be here if they had truly evolved into something else.

The Answer; They COULD NOT still be in existence, since the original would have been wiped out by Darwin's ridiculous theory.

So if we go along with the infected Left, there should really be no public outrage at being compared to a primate. Indeed, it would be a reflected honor to be compared to the ape, since they would be our forebears, as the Libs insist.

So Leftists, leave Clay alone. You are the ones who have falsely made apes and people one creature. That is the kind of dem-logic contaminating our country today. Frankly, in some ways, the apes are far better beings than any Democrat who says we are related to them. Yet those same off-shoots of humanity jump to heights of hysteria if someone is tactlessly compared to the one they have demanded we recognize as us. This is how logical the masters of thought are.

ANALYZING TODAY'S NEWS FOR TOMORROW'S HISTORY

© Rev. Austin Miles