Melanie Mills
Memoir of a nurse on 9/11
By Melanie Mills
Where were you on September 11th, 2001? I was on my way to work driving on the highway like many Americans that fateful day. I was wearing a long pink dress with my white lab coat on. I had my name tag pinned on the left side of my coat and I was feeling a sense of pride that day. Just a week before I had started the job and I was getting used to the routine. The sun was shinning so bright as I crossed the bridge over the Missouri River into St. Louis county. I thought it was such a beautiful morning sky, but then suddenly as I listened to the radio the peace I had felt slipped away quickly.
I switched stations when a commercial came on the station I was listening to and I heard a man so upset, I had to stop and listen. I landed on the station carrying Howard Stern. Normally I wouldn't listen to him, but something was different so I continued to hear what he had to say. I noticed his partner Robin was not laughing like normal either. She sounded terribly grim. I had to know what was wrong. I could feel it in my soul.
"A plane has just flown into the World Trade Center Building," I heard Mr. Stern say. Robin and Howard continued to talk. I turned the radio down and called my Mom and then I called my Husband. Yes, it was true they both confirmed. They watched it live and unfold on TV. I was in shock and disbelief. I knew right then and there in my car before I had even seen one second of celluloid, this was my generations Pearl Harbor. I didn't need the TV pictures to confirm that for me.
I pulled into the parking lot at work and I walked in. I went to my office. At that time I had an administrative nursing position and I was working as the MDS Nurse Coordinator for the nursing home. Sounds like a great title, but it was a lot of paperwork. My job was to evaluate every patient once a month for continued Medicare coverage. It was labor intensive to say the least. On this day though, I did not get much done.
I collected some papers, notes and a pen and headed to the weekly administrative meeting. I wanted to know people's opinions of course so I said, "Can you believe what happened? They hit the WTC." The nursing home Director then said, "Yeah, what about the Pentagon?" I immediately responded by saying that she had it wrong, the Pentagon was not hit. She then told me along with about 5 other colleagues that BOTH had been hit. "What?" I said and I just sank into my chair thinking,"You don't hit THE Pentagon." Something was terribly wrong I thought. How could the central nervous system of our government take a hit into the nerve center of the heart of our Military operations? What were we dealing with here? It was more than I could fathom. You don't hit anything in D.C. for crying out loud!
The meeting adjourned and I went back to my office shaken. America was under attack, but by whom, why and what for? Who would do this to innocent people? What did we do to provoke such an evil attack? I racked my mind and there was no answer to be found. Somehow I had to save my earth shattering questions until I got home later that evening. I had a job to do. People, elderly people were counting on me. It may sound corny, but when your a RN, MD, Firefighter, Police or any other public servant you come last. The day I was pinned an RN and I took the Nightingale Pledge,
I promised to do my job to the best of my ability. Many times that means checking your feelings at the door. That day was no different. I wanted to break down and cry right at my desk, but that came later at home.
Finally, the day wrapped up and on the way home I learned all the grisly details. I then knew both towers were down, the Pentagon had been hit and a plane was down in Shanksville, PA. I arrived home and I saw my husband watching the TV in astonishment and I sat by him. There it was the planes crashing, people leaping to their deaths, the Pentagon in smoke and thousands in horror. Again I asked myself, "Why."
At the time, we really didn't have a good grasp on the situation. We all knew someone or something meant us great harm. I did not know one victim personally, but yet I did. They were my fellow Americans and I mourned them greatly. You don't have to know someone to feel loss when innocents are killed for no rhyme or reason. They were our sisters and brothers because we all share the bond of humanity. This brings me to why I wrote this.
On 9/11 and for a spell after, this country was United in it's mourning and anger. Where has that gone? Where has the America of my youth gone? Why have we grown callous toward one another? I believe it's because our basic bond of humanity has been broken, and it occurred long before 9/11.
Everyone it seems these days is bickering, yelling, fighting and hating one another. Why? You go to the grocery store and get your change and the person won't even look you in the eye or say, "have a good day." Why? People need people, human interaction and intimacy. I think for a good 40 years now the basic tenets of common decency have been destroyed by a myriad of social problems, disagreements, politics and a break down of morality and standards. This may be true and this may be why terrorists are coming after us. They say we are degenerate. Maybe so, and some in our country are, but does that mean that gives them the right to kill us? Hell no!
Please America, don't you see what I'm trying to say? There are people that want us dead. So, for the love of God why does the in-fighting continue? While we fight each other over this and that, they plan and plot ways to destroy us, our future and our children. From the beginning of time people have disagreed on philosophy, politics and religion and I'm not contesting that, but in a time of WAR, that must go on the back burner. It must. If we are to survive as a nation, we must do it as a nation. Put the politics down. Quit using it as a weapon because while your doing that our enemies weapons are pointed straight at us, while we are trying to hash out every last little squabble day by day. It's those precious moments that we spend fighting one another that could mean the difference between life and death for all of us.
Every animal on the planet is born with an innate sense of survival. Why is this country trying to defy basic laws of nature? If someone answers that, they win the hundred thousand dollar question. I think some of us just don't understand the gravity of our situation. I am just one woman with one voice, but I know many other women and men feel the same. I want my children safe and so do many others.
On this fifth anniversary, let us make a sober effort to remember those we all lost. Let's humbly honor the memory of our fellow fallen Americans with dignity and respect. Let's remember the loved ones left behind and let's honor them by stopping the bigotry of fighting each other. When we fight each other we are giving the enemy what they want — to divide and conquer us. I won't do it, no way. As for me and my house, we will remember 9/11 and we will honor the fallen. To do anything less would be un-American.
© Melanie Mills
Where were you on September 11th, 2001? I was on my way to work driving on the highway like many Americans that fateful day. I was wearing a long pink dress with my white lab coat on. I had my name tag pinned on the left side of my coat and I was feeling a sense of pride that day. Just a week before I had started the job and I was getting used to the routine. The sun was shinning so bright as I crossed the bridge over the Missouri River into St. Louis county. I thought it was such a beautiful morning sky, but then suddenly as I listened to the radio the peace I had felt slipped away quickly.
I switched stations when a commercial came on the station I was listening to and I heard a man so upset, I had to stop and listen. I landed on the station carrying Howard Stern. Normally I wouldn't listen to him, but something was different so I continued to hear what he had to say. I noticed his partner Robin was not laughing like normal either. She sounded terribly grim. I had to know what was wrong. I could feel it in my soul.
"A plane has just flown into the World Trade Center Building," I heard Mr. Stern say. Robin and Howard continued to talk. I turned the radio down and called my Mom and then I called my Husband. Yes, it was true they both confirmed. They watched it live and unfold on TV. I was in shock and disbelief. I knew right then and there in my car before I had even seen one second of celluloid, this was my generations Pearl Harbor. I didn't need the TV pictures to confirm that for me.
I pulled into the parking lot at work and I walked in. I went to my office. At that time I had an administrative nursing position and I was working as the MDS Nurse Coordinator for the nursing home. Sounds like a great title, but it was a lot of paperwork. My job was to evaluate every patient once a month for continued Medicare coverage. It was labor intensive to say the least. On this day though, I did not get much done.
I collected some papers, notes and a pen and headed to the weekly administrative meeting. I wanted to know people's opinions of course so I said, "Can you believe what happened? They hit the WTC." The nursing home Director then said, "Yeah, what about the Pentagon?" I immediately responded by saying that she had it wrong, the Pentagon was not hit. She then told me along with about 5 other colleagues that BOTH had been hit. "What?" I said and I just sank into my chair thinking,"You don't hit THE Pentagon." Something was terribly wrong I thought. How could the central nervous system of our government take a hit into the nerve center of the heart of our Military operations? What were we dealing with here? It was more than I could fathom. You don't hit anything in D.C. for crying out loud!
The meeting adjourned and I went back to my office shaken. America was under attack, but by whom, why and what for? Who would do this to innocent people? What did we do to provoke such an evil attack? I racked my mind and there was no answer to be found. Somehow I had to save my earth shattering questions until I got home later that evening. I had a job to do. People, elderly people were counting on me. It may sound corny, but when your a RN, MD, Firefighter, Police or any other public servant you come last. The day I was pinned an RN and I took the Nightingale Pledge,
I promised to do my job to the best of my ability. Many times that means checking your feelings at the door. That day was no different. I wanted to break down and cry right at my desk, but that came later at home.
Finally, the day wrapped up and on the way home I learned all the grisly details. I then knew both towers were down, the Pentagon had been hit and a plane was down in Shanksville, PA. I arrived home and I saw my husband watching the TV in astonishment and I sat by him. There it was the planes crashing, people leaping to their deaths, the Pentagon in smoke and thousands in horror. Again I asked myself, "Why."
At the time, we really didn't have a good grasp on the situation. We all knew someone or something meant us great harm. I did not know one victim personally, but yet I did. They were my fellow Americans and I mourned them greatly. You don't have to know someone to feel loss when innocents are killed for no rhyme or reason. They were our sisters and brothers because we all share the bond of humanity. This brings me to why I wrote this.
On 9/11 and for a spell after, this country was United in it's mourning and anger. Where has that gone? Where has the America of my youth gone? Why have we grown callous toward one another? I believe it's because our basic bond of humanity has been broken, and it occurred long before 9/11.
Everyone it seems these days is bickering, yelling, fighting and hating one another. Why? You go to the grocery store and get your change and the person won't even look you in the eye or say, "have a good day." Why? People need people, human interaction and intimacy. I think for a good 40 years now the basic tenets of common decency have been destroyed by a myriad of social problems, disagreements, politics and a break down of morality and standards. This may be true and this may be why terrorists are coming after us. They say we are degenerate. Maybe so, and some in our country are, but does that mean that gives them the right to kill us? Hell no!
Please America, don't you see what I'm trying to say? There are people that want us dead. So, for the love of God why does the in-fighting continue? While we fight each other over this and that, they plan and plot ways to destroy us, our future and our children. From the beginning of time people have disagreed on philosophy, politics and religion and I'm not contesting that, but in a time of WAR, that must go on the back burner. It must. If we are to survive as a nation, we must do it as a nation. Put the politics down. Quit using it as a weapon because while your doing that our enemies weapons are pointed straight at us, while we are trying to hash out every last little squabble day by day. It's those precious moments that we spend fighting one another that could mean the difference between life and death for all of us.
Every animal on the planet is born with an innate sense of survival. Why is this country trying to defy basic laws of nature? If someone answers that, they win the hundred thousand dollar question. I think some of us just don't understand the gravity of our situation. I am just one woman with one voice, but I know many other women and men feel the same. I want my children safe and so do many others.
On this fifth anniversary, let us make a sober effort to remember those we all lost. Let's humbly honor the memory of our fellow fallen Americans with dignity and respect. Let's remember the loved ones left behind and let's honor them by stopping the bigotry of fighting each other. When we fight each other we are giving the enemy what they want — to divide and conquer us. I won't do it, no way. As for me and my house, we will remember 9/11 and we will honor the fallen. To do anything less would be un-American.
© Melanie Mills
The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
(See RenewAmerica's publishing standards.)
