Dan Popp
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By Dan Popp
November 30, 2011

I've never been very good at self-deprecation.

Don't get too excited about Washington's new "anti-bullying" campaign. The government doesn't want to stop bullying. It just wants to stop other people from bullying.

It's that time of year again: The time of year when people tell you what time of year it is.

Someone who "was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple" doesn't bother me nearly as much as the person who imagines that his inability to play makes him an umpire.

It's difficult to compromise with someone who believes that the solution is to apply more of the problem.

Half of a cell phone conversation: "Tell him to give you the duct tape so we can get that put together right."

If you don't like Country music, or Jazz or Classical or Metal, people will say, "Well, to each, his own." If you don't like Christmas music they'll look at you as if they expect to see your head spin around.

And remember the Good Old Days — when we celebrated one holiday at a time?

A cartoon character once said, "I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." Now it's our national economic policy.

When President Obama uses the phrase, "my brother's keeper," I remember who first said that: the first progressive, Cain. Other famous murderous lying enviers in the Bible: Satan, Joseph's brothers, and the religionists who demanded the crucifixion of Christ. I suppose the President's point is that they all would have voted Democrat.

Optimists can never be pleasantly surprised. Wouldn't that be a sad way to live?

To many of our elected representatives, a policy that doesn't overrule free choices is not really a policy at all.

Maybe more people would read the instructions if more instructions were readable.

I propose a motto for "Small Business Saturday": Because the Government Can't Come Up with All the Stupid Ideas.

No disrespect, but the "Greatest Generation" was the Founders' generation. I don't see how that's even debatable.

Problem-solvers get all the glory. Problem-preventers may go unrecognized.

Scientists are now investigating whether something can go faster than the speed of light. Gee, I thought that was "settled science" — you know, like the settled science that gravity is an invisible pulling force, or the settled science that bogus statistics cause climate change.

Brother Erasmus was wrong. In the land of the blind it is not the one-eyed man who is king, but the man who claims to have perfect vision.

The invasion of your privacy (and your privates) at airports is justified on the grounds that "No one has the right to fly on an airplane." If that's the case, whose rights would be violated by abandoning the charade of "randomness" and focusing anti-terrorism efforts on young, Middle-Eastern males? If anyone wishing to travel by air may be subjected to any sort of humiliation and inconvenience, then the whole politically correct exercise is unnecessary.

A lot of great things were designed on a napkin. Apparently the secret to creativity is to have a lot of napkins lying around. Or envelopes.

I'm so tired of stores pushing their "membership" clubs that today I told a cashier I'm in the Witness Protection program.

Do you want the rich to pay more taxes, or do you want them to pay their "fair share?" They can't do both.

Anagrams for Solyndra: Rads only; Nary Sold; Loans Dry; Old Yarns.

When I push the envelope, all I get is a paper cut.

People yelling against "capitalism" are not protesters; they're barbarians. Capitalism is civilization.

And I wish people would stop using the phrase, "crony capitalism." What they're talking about is corruption, plain and simple. Of course that isn't peculiar to free market economies. But "crony socialism" would be redundant, wouldn't it?

As far as I can tell, none of the people complaining about overpopulation see themselves as part of the problem.

The brainiacs offering us Artificial Intelligence are mostly the same ones who brought us decades of Artificial Stupidity.

People who believe that mental work isn't work, haven't done any mental work.

Only a "hard deadline" is a deadline. Anything else should be called a "coma line," or a "fainting fit line."

Regarding "The 1%": Only leftists could make powerful, rich people an oppressed minority. I wonder who will stand up for them?

© Dan Popp

 

The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
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