Dan Popp
Warning: inhalation hazard
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By Dan Popp
April 29, 2012

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. — Jesus (Matthew 7:5. NASB)

The FDA [1] is trying to force tobacco companies to show graphic photos of what could happen to you if you smoke cigarettes. Well, I for one think that's a great start. The government should expand this concept and apply it fairly, across the board.

Before each time the President speaks, he should confess to all he's said in previous speeches that turned out to be untrue [2]. The last person out of the building should wake up Vice President Biden so he can applaud.

Whenever one of our distinguished leaders talks about "creating jobs" or "recovery" or "stimulus" we should see a large bull (preferably a real one) making a fresh deposit of organic fertilizer on his or her shoes.

Covetous screed about "fairness" would be countered by a graph showing how much "the rich" really pay in taxes.

Golden oratory about the American Dream of Home Ownership should be accompanied by video clips of boarded-up, foreclosed houses brought to you by these same reality-deniers.

Welfare checks should include a line listing the people who now have fewer options because of that particular wealth transfer. Something like, "This money stolen from Larry Jones, Omaha, Nebraska; Sue Davis, Memphis, Tennessee; and Reuben Baxter, New York, New York."

When a barbarian like Nancy Pelosi or Maxine Waters smirks at commandeering the health care industry, or the oil and gas industry, or the automobile industry, we should see a crawl across the bottom of the screen: Neither the House nor the Senate could run its own dining hall at a profit. Both have hired private companies to operate these 'complex' businesses.

On every gas pump there should be a sticker revealing the total taken from motorists in highway taxes, next to a photo of a crumbling bridge or road nearby.

Whenever a politician talks about "investments" [3] with our money, pictures of your grandchildren should appear, with a large hammer suspended over their heads, showing in dollars how much our previous "investments" have burdened them already. Maybe in the background we'd see a laughing Chinese man in a red coat.

C-SPAN should have a laugh track.

Diatribes about "Women's Health" should be intercut with photos of fetuses pulled apart by abortion. Such photos should be made into 10-foot-high banners decorating all abortion clinics as well as the exterior of the Supreme Court building. Now, lest you think this is a Bridge to Nowhere too far, one of the new FDA messages on cigarettes warns of possible harm to fetuses when moms smoke. As Dave Barry might say, I cannot make this stuff up. Our loving United States government cares deeply about keeping fetuses safe from any possible harm.

These are the people [4] who don't want women to see what abortion is before they have one, and don't want parents to be notified that their daughter is pregnant.

Apparently, informed consent isn't for everyone.

Don't get me wrong. I'm totally sold on the idea of bypassing logical argument and "persuading" people by provoking their emotions with scary drawings on the cave walls. But if we're going to start putting shock labels on things, why don't we start with the most dangerous thing? The federal government has harmed far more people than Phillip Morris ever will, and it has only just begun to "help" us. If we really put our pretended love of fairness into practice, all government bureaucracies will demand a block of text on the front page of every newspaper, burned into every TV and computer screen, maybe tattooed on the inside of our eyelids:

UNCONSTITUTIONAL GOVERNMENT IS HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.

NOTES:

[1]  This agency is made up of "unelected" authorities, which, as you know, the President disdains.

[2]  How do you know when the President is lying? His teleprompter moves.

[3]  A real investment is cash voluntarily taken out of use in the present, in hopes of gain in the future. An Obama "investment" is the opposite of that: money taken from the future for use now — involuntarily.

[4]  Not the FDA, but upside-downers in general.

© Dan Popp

 

The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
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