Carey Roberts
Please, no neckties for Father's Day!
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By Carey Roberts
June 18, 2009

Can you imagine a Mother's Day ad urging the purchase of a vacuum cleaner for Workaholic Moms? Or a greeting card that depicts mom grinning contentedly over a hot stove?

These slightly irreverent images came to mind as I surveyed the advertisements for Father's Day this year.

Go to Amazon.com, for example, where you'll see a creative listing of gifts for Workaholic Dads. The featured item? An iRobot 560 Roomba vacuuming robot. Act now — it's available in black and silver!

What if housecleaning is not on this weekend's honey-do list? Then get him the Birmingham Executive 60-inch executive desk and a Boss B8601 Executive Leather chair. What better reminder for him to go into the office Sunday and catch up on that pile of tedious paperwork!

For Chef Dad, a cheery assortment of grills, cookware, and barbeque aprons greets us. For the hard-to-please father, how about the Chris & Chris Chef Kitchen work station? He'd love that, I'm sure.

Here's my personal favorite: the Eastman Outdoors Reveo MariVac food tumbler. The speed and timing controls will please the most demanding of fathers. And it's only $199 bucks. (Kids, I hope you're paying attention!)

Then there's the usual array of carpentry gifts and gadgets. About.com exhorts us to "Give a woodworking gift to your dad this Father's Day." Bar clamps, jigsaws, router kits, miter saws — or best of all, a band saw. Proudly plying his battery-interchangeable tools, just think of all the odd jobs that dad can knock out this weekend!

And then the greeting cards that send the none-too-subtle message: "Dad we love you, as long as you work, work, work!"

One Hallmark card depicts a dad stomping the daylights out of a gargantuan spider. The card recounts, "Fatherhood can be an icky job, But somebody's got to do it!" (Consider the counterpart card for Mother's Day: A picture of a frazzled woman sweeping a floor with the caption, "Motherhood can be yucky work, But somebody's got to do it!")

And for those dads who think Father's Day is about copping a little R and R, consider this greeting card message: "Take it easy, let the lawn go, and don't repair a thing! Just lie back on the couch and watch TV till you fall asleep!...You know, just treat it like any other Sunday afternoon!"

How's that for laying a guilt-trip on dad for his Special Day?

While we're on the topic of Father's Day, I do have a serious request: Please, no more neckties. My closet is brimming with a cacophony of appreciative neckware. Subdued, outrageous, plaid, checkered, wide, or narrow — you name it, I've got it.

And really, how many dudes come home from a long day at work, eagerly looking forward to slipping into a comfy necktie?

© Carey Roberts

 

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Carey Roberts

Carey Roberts is an analyst and commentator on political correctness. His best-known work was an exposé on Marxism and radical feminism... (more)

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