Isaiah Z. Sterrett
What the president really said
By Isaiah Z. Sterrett
SOMETIMES, when attempting to analyze politics, it becomes necessary to decode the words of politicians. Below is my (humble) attempt to do so with various passages of President Bush's recent Oval Office speech on illegal immigration.
THE PRESIDENT
...We must begin by recognizing the problems with our immigration system. For decades, the United States has not been in complete control of its borders. As a result, many who want to work in our economy have been able to sneak across our border, and millions have stayed.
TRANSLATION
Like me, my predecessors lacked the political will to fix the illegal immigration problem. As a result, the problem remains.
THE PRESIDENT
Once here, illegal immigrants live in the shadows of our society. Many use forged documents to get jobs, and that makes it difficult for employers to verify that the workers they hire are legal.... These are real problems. Yet we must remember that the vast majority of illegal immigrants are decent people who work hard, support their families, practice their faith, and lead responsible lives.
TRANSLATION
Once illegal immigrants come to the United States, they are often forced to live like criminals. True, law-abiding Americans then have to support them, but these people — illegal immigrants — often work hard, have families, and pray, which essentially erases any wrongdoing they may have committed. They break our laws but we do nothing.
THE PRESIDENT
The United States is not going to militarize the southern border. Mexico is our neighbor, and our friend. We will continue to work cooperatively to improve security on both sides of the border, to confront common problems like drug trafficking and crime, and to reduce illegal immigration.
TRANSLATION
Despite having spent several paragraphs discussing "progress" on immigration, we aren't really going to do anything to solve the problem. I've determined that it's best for me to pretend to adore Mexico, which is what I intend to do.
THE PRESIDENT
That middle ground recognizes there are differences between an illegal immigrant who crossed the border recently, and someone who has worked here for many years, and has a home, a family, and an otherwise clean record.
TRANSLATION
Of course, when I say "middle ground," what I mean is: I'm not going to do anything. Ever. (Author's Challenge to Readers: Find me something that's happened in the last ten years in which the "middle ground" did anything other than make John McCain happy.)
THE PRESIDENT
I believe that illegal immigrants who have roots in our country and want to stay should have to pay a meaningful penalty for breaking the law, to pay their taxes, to learn English, and to work in a job for a number of years.
TRANSLATION
But if they don't do any of that — if they don't develop roots in the United States, pay taxes, or learn English — nothing will happen to them. This is because my "proposals," stated above, are little more than rhetoric. For Goodness' sake, I'm only giving this speech because my "base" wants me to. Please don't expect real results.
THE PRESIDENT
As President, I've had the opportunity to meet people of many backgrounds, and hear what America means to them. On a visit to Bethesda Naval Hospital, Laura and I met a wounded Marine named Guadalupe Denogean. Master Gunnery Sergeant Denogean came to the United States from Mexico when he was a boy. He spent his summers picking crops with his family, and then he volunteered for the United States Marine Corps as soon as he was able....And when this brave Marine raised his right hand, and swore an oath to become a citizen of the country he had defended for more than 26 years, I was honored to stand at his side.
TRANSLATION
Blah, blah, blah. Because the rest of my speech was weak, directionless, and utterly unsatisfying to anyone legitimately interested in ending illegal immigration, I thought I'd conclude with a heart-warming story totally unrelated to the rest of the speech. That way, my abhorrent lack of a coherent plan will be less shocking.
THE PRESIDENT
We honor the heritage of all who come here, no matter where they come from, because we trust in our country's genius for making us all Americans — one nation under God.
TRANSLATION
This is the speech's last sentence. I haven't the foggiest notion what it means. Like my speech — and my immigration policy — it is totally irrelevant.
© Isaiah Z. Sterrett
SOMETIMES, when attempting to analyze politics, it becomes necessary to decode the words of politicians. Below is my (humble) attempt to do so with various passages of President Bush's recent Oval Office speech on illegal immigration.
THE PRESIDENT
...We must begin by recognizing the problems with our immigration system. For decades, the United States has not been in complete control of its borders. As a result, many who want to work in our economy have been able to sneak across our border, and millions have stayed.
TRANSLATION
Like me, my predecessors lacked the political will to fix the illegal immigration problem. As a result, the problem remains.
THE PRESIDENT
Once here, illegal immigrants live in the shadows of our society. Many use forged documents to get jobs, and that makes it difficult for employers to verify that the workers they hire are legal.... These are real problems. Yet we must remember that the vast majority of illegal immigrants are decent people who work hard, support their families, practice their faith, and lead responsible lives.
TRANSLATION
Once illegal immigrants come to the United States, they are often forced to live like criminals. True, law-abiding Americans then have to support them, but these people — illegal immigrants — often work hard, have families, and pray, which essentially erases any wrongdoing they may have committed. They break our laws but we do nothing.
THE PRESIDENT
The United States is not going to militarize the southern border. Mexico is our neighbor, and our friend. We will continue to work cooperatively to improve security on both sides of the border, to confront common problems like drug trafficking and crime, and to reduce illegal immigration.
TRANSLATION
Despite having spent several paragraphs discussing "progress" on immigration, we aren't really going to do anything to solve the problem. I've determined that it's best for me to pretend to adore Mexico, which is what I intend to do.
THE PRESIDENT
That middle ground recognizes there are differences between an illegal immigrant who crossed the border recently, and someone who has worked here for many years, and has a home, a family, and an otherwise clean record.
TRANSLATION
Of course, when I say "middle ground," what I mean is: I'm not going to do anything. Ever. (Author's Challenge to Readers: Find me something that's happened in the last ten years in which the "middle ground" did anything other than make John McCain happy.)
THE PRESIDENT
I believe that illegal immigrants who have roots in our country and want to stay should have to pay a meaningful penalty for breaking the law, to pay their taxes, to learn English, and to work in a job for a number of years.
TRANSLATION
But if they don't do any of that — if they don't develop roots in the United States, pay taxes, or learn English — nothing will happen to them. This is because my "proposals," stated above, are little more than rhetoric. For Goodness' sake, I'm only giving this speech because my "base" wants me to. Please don't expect real results.
THE PRESIDENT
As President, I've had the opportunity to meet people of many backgrounds, and hear what America means to them. On a visit to Bethesda Naval Hospital, Laura and I met a wounded Marine named Guadalupe Denogean. Master Gunnery Sergeant Denogean came to the United States from Mexico when he was a boy. He spent his summers picking crops with his family, and then he volunteered for the United States Marine Corps as soon as he was able....And when this brave Marine raised his right hand, and swore an oath to become a citizen of the country he had defended for more than 26 years, I was honored to stand at his side.
TRANSLATION
Blah, blah, blah. Because the rest of my speech was weak, directionless, and utterly unsatisfying to anyone legitimately interested in ending illegal immigration, I thought I'd conclude with a heart-warming story totally unrelated to the rest of the speech. That way, my abhorrent lack of a coherent plan will be less shocking.
THE PRESIDENT
We honor the heritage of all who come here, no matter where they come from, because we trust in our country's genius for making us all Americans — one nation under God.
TRANSLATION
This is the speech's last sentence. I haven't the foggiest notion what it means. Like my speech — and my immigration policy — it is totally irrelevant.
© Isaiah Z. Sterrett
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