Biofuel, the opiate of the people

By Johnny D. Symon

During the recent global warming/climate change conference held at the United Notions I noted a brief encounter involving G W Bush and Spain's Meanderthal man, J L Zapatonto. Bush greeted him with, "Hola, qué tal?" (Hi, how's things?) Zappo replied, "Bien gracias." (Fine thanks.) And that's all she wrote. It was simply a brief encounter of the blurred kind.

Zappo's three and a half years in office has proven to be a disastrous nightmare that came true. And although, according to the Basque terrorist group ETA, that Zappo and his cohorts had been secretly negotiating with them since 2002, and continued to do so after the T-4 bomb blast at Madrid airport leaving two people dead, December 30, 2006, Zappo wishes to be regarded as a hard liner against terrorism. Senior Ibarretxe of the political movement Lehendakari also claimed yesterday that Zappo had held secret talks with ETA during the month of May, and I guess he only revealed this fact because he was worked up over the Spanish government's rejection of his proposed referendum on Independence for Catalunia, ear-marked for October next year.

But it's worthy of note that not only Zappo and his political loons have been connected up with terrorist collusion, Ibarretxe himself has been accused of having links with the same terrorist outfit, and his name appeared on the hard drives of ETA computers that had been seized months back. All in all time and events have revealed the sorry fact that both Left and Center of Spanish political life have been hard at work behind the scenes for at least 5 years, planning a New Fragmented Communist State.

But three and a half years of Zappodom leaves him boasting about the state of the economy. He claims all things are rosy, when most of the Spanish public are relying on credit. Far from being an economic miracle Spain is held in the grip of a terminal credit boom and a haven for international speculators. He recently announced a "financial aid package" for people under the age of 32; They're all eligible to receive 210 euros a month to help pay their rent, which leaves me with the question, "If the economy's so healthy, why should anyone require a handout?" The Conservative party have asked the same question, but went further by stating that if government must offer help, it would be better spent in helping people buy their own homes.

I happen to disagree with both sides, for to subsidize a certain percentage of the nation's taxpayers equates as discriminating against the remainder, "robbing Peter to pay Paul," or maybe it's more like "robbing Peter and Paul to pay Peter." This kind of process is enacted by politicos worldwide, and the United Notions are also fully adept.

You see, we're all victims of a great rock and roll swindle; Global warming, climate change, poverty, the war against terrorism, drugs, money laundering, etc. For after we beat out the Taliban and witnessed the mixed multitude rejoice in the streets, and women throwing away their burkhas, it took just 6 months before things began to regress. Opium production has doubled and the Taliban fight from the hills. In Iraq a recent announcement that Sadam's Baath party may be permitted to rejoin the political fray, is yet another example of a desperate retrograde step.

I believe that we've reached a point in mankind's existence where, deep down, we know that no one can be trusted anymore. All of our leaders blow hot and cold because all of them have rejected our Fountain of wisdom. Even President G W Bush rejects the Bible in favor of the big global warming and climate change lie, and I guess all of them form part and parcel of spiritless man-made wisdom ... everything they do turns sour, and each time it does they claim that it's a success; The war against drugs has left the United States as the world's biggest user. The war against terrorism, together with the war against the fictional global warming/climate change lie, has enabled both the price of crude and it's constant traveling companion, gold bullion, to reach record highs. This is the big Bilderburg dream in action.

But recently, and despite all the apparent sad and distressing truths laid out above, I began to see an alternative solution to the world's ills, and the more I thought about this, the more I realized how powerful this thing could be if brought to fruition. You see, I reckon I've discovered a way to pull the rug out from under the feet of our world leader also-rans, while making a major inroad in the war against terrorism. And the solution goes by the name of "biofuel."

Now lookee here, I know fine well that I've condemned this stuff, and quite recently too, because it's produced with raw materials like corn and other grains, which is pushing up the price of everything related to it in the supermarkets. But my biofuel uses different ingredients, and to get enough of them to make it all happen we'll have to formalize and regulate drug production in all it's major locations worldwide. We'd pay poppy producers in Afghanistan top dollar to produce more and more opium poppies, and South American coke producers top dollar to produce more leaves.

Caribbean marijuana producers would find themselves getting regulated and getting rich. For instead of producing alternative gasoline with raw food components, my biofuel would only be produced from organic drug harvests. I'm convinced that the world's drug problems would disappear within 10 years. And with a sensible alternative to fossil fuels in full production and use, OPEC would do what every other business does when under pressure, they'll compete; A barrel of crude would plummet to 11 dollars, and folks would find that both fuels would be affordable at the pumps. Some would find that their thing "went better with coke" in Pensacola, whereas people like myself would just remain crude as ever.

Now that's what I call a free and open market, and either way the consumer's on a winner because I discovered recently that one third of US corn production is getting converted into biofuel, so logically, if we produce a market for drug-based biofuel then that third of our corn harvest returns to being what it was designed for in the first place. The cost of living would then go down, along with our drug problem and it's relation to the crime rate. This might well free up space in our penitentiaries.

But you know something? I believe there's a majority of world-worshippers out there who'd think my idea to be just plain crazy. Don't believe me? Well next time you're in Afghanistan or Prankistan seek out the Taliban and ask them if my idea sets their little old hearts aflame.

© Johnny D. Symon