J. Matt Barber
'Gay' penguin flies straight
FacebookTwitter
By J. Matt Barber
July 15, 2009

The highly contentious "nature vs. nurture" debate over whether gay penguins choose the homosexual lifestyle or are hatched that way has reached a hard boil.

San Francisco's Fox affiliate KTUV reports: "The San Francisco Zoo's popular same-sex penguin couple has broken up.

"Male Magellan penguins Harry and Pepper have been together since 2003. The pair nested together and even incubated an egg laid by another penguin in 2008, but their relationship hit the rocks earlier this year when a female penguin, Linda, befriended Harry after her long-time companion died.

"Zookeepers say Harry and Linda are happy and were able to successfully nest this year," reported KTUV.

But not everyone is celebrating Harry and Linda's newfound love. Some believe there can be no such a thing as an "ex-gay" penguin. Upon news of Harry's decision to fly the same-sex-coop, outspoken pro-homosexual activist and anti-ex-gay crusader Wayne Besen cried fowl:

"Attempts to change sexual orientation are patently offensive, discriminatory by definition, theologically shaky, uniformly unsuccessful and medically unsound!" exclaimed a visibly angry Besen. "There is no 'ex-gay' sexual orientation. Harry is simply in denial. He's living what I call the 'big lie.'"

When asked if heterosexual penguins can become gay, Besen replied, "Well, um, sure. It happens all the time. But in that case it's just the penguin embracing who he really is. Penguin pride is quite a courageous thing to witness, what with all the mean-spiritedness and homophobia among Penguo-Americans and everything. Once gay, always gay! You know; birds of a feather and all that.

"See," continued Besen, "medical science has conclusively determined that, while still eggs, many of the more effeminate penguins sometimes get a bit scrambled, so to speak, due to what's called 'Homospheniscus Magellanicus Inheritus' or, as it's commonly referred: 'The Gay Penguin Gene' (GPG).

"No, seriously. It's science," insisted Besen. "Harry's as gay today as he's ever been. Mark my words. It's just a matter of time until he ends up slinking around some back alley gay bar in the Castro District, strung out on meth."

As is customary, Besen — along with a lathered-up handful of equally irate anti-ex-gay blowhards — intends to raucously picket Harry's Zoo holding area — megaphones in hand — to protest what Besen called, "the tremendous political setback an ever-increasing number of ex-gays pose to our furiously ambitious political agenda. I really, really wish they'd just go away."

Meanwhile, Pepper has also had difficulty accepting Harry's decision to embrace natural sexuality. According to KTUV, Harry's relationship with Linda "did not go over well with Pepper, who became violent." Zookeeper Jennifer Katz lamented that "Pepper is by himself now."

Still, it appears that Pepper has yet to hit rock bottom. In recent days he has reportedly been spotted waddling around the zoo's public men's room, skulking in stalls and inexplicably tapping his flipper. There's even speculation that, as things continue to spiral, he may consider a run for political office.

© J. Matt Barber

 

The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
(See RenewAmerica's publishing standards.)

Click to enlarge

J. Matt Barber

Matt Barber is founder and editor-in-chief of BarbWire.com and an attorney concentrating in constitutional law. In addition to his law degree, Matt holds a Master of Arts in Public Policy from Regent University.... (more)

Subscribe

Receive future articles by J. Matt Barber: Click here

More by this author

 

Stephen Stone
HAPPY EASTER: A message to all who love our country and want to help save it

Stephen Stone
The most egregious lies Evan McMullin and the media have told about Sen. Mike Lee

Siena Hoefling
Protect the Children: Update with VIDEO

Stephen Stone
FLASHBACK to 2020: Dems' fake claim that Trump and Utah congressional hopeful Burgess Owens want 'renewed nuclear testing' blows up when examined

Victor Sharpe
Any Israeli alliances should include the restoration of a just, moral, and enduring pact with the Kurdish people

Linda Kimball
Man as God: The primordial heresy and the evolutionary science of becoming God

Sylvia Thompson
Should the Village People be a part of Trump's Inauguration Ceremony? No—but I suspect they will be

Jerry Newcombe
Reflections on the Good Samaritan ethic

Pete Riehm
It’s not identities; it’s ideas!

Rev. Mark H. Creech
From ministry to need: Seeking help in my darkest hour

Jerry Newcombe
Bible sales increasing

Tom DeWeese
Change the debate and take back liberty locally

Steve A. Stone
Truth will out...maybe...someday

Curtis Dahlgren
On the need for noble mothers (and fathers)

Tom DeWeese
If you are illegal, come. We’ll give you $thousands and let you kill and rape. If you are legal, go to hell

Stanley Zir
The sky is not falling, Chicken Little, under Donald Trump
  More columns

Cartoons


Click for full cartoon
More cartoons

Columnists

Matt C. Abbott
Chris Adamo
Russ J. Alan
Bonnie Alba
Chuck Baldwin
Kevin J. Banet
J. Matt Barber
Fr. Tom Bartolomeo
. . .
[See more]

Sister sites