Curtis Dahlgren
Green Bay fires janitor; Packers win unexpectedly (and other "unexpected" headlines)
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By Curtis Dahlgren
November 16, 2009

"GM reports $1.2 Billion loss; consumer 'sentiment' declines 'unexpectedly'"? news headline

AS IF THINGS WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH ALREADY, another headline this morning said:

"Jellyfish swarming northward in a warming world"! OH NO (I'm working on a more serious column for next time, but this one started out as a friendly letter to a local sports commentator). BTW, I wasn't being facetious about the headline in the title of this piece:

"Green Bay fires janitor; Packers beat Cowboys unexpectedly"

Evidently the Pack should fire another janitor this week, as it seems to fire up the defense more than the firing of an "offensive" coordinator. It pains me to say this, speaking as one who was once fired as a janitor, but hey whatever it takes (as long as we maintain NFL "parity"). It may take an Act of Congress to stop the Colts' winning streak, such as a surcharge for every touchdown pass by Indianapolis. Maybe the Department of Commerce should bailout the Detroit Lions and takeover the Tennessee Oilers, er Titans (wonder if Al Gore forced the name change from "Oilers" to Titans?). "Titans," my butt! Call me anal retentive, BUT political correctness stinks. The P1C1 virus is worse than the H1N1.

The PC eco-Nazis don't watch much football, of course. They are more concerned about such issues as jellyfish, endangered wolves, and polar bears.

BTW, it was in the mid-20s in Lambeau Field this morning, and we just had the coldest October almost on record. As Benjamin Franklin once said:

"Some people are weather-wise, some people are otherwise." Poor Richard's Almanac, February 1735 (my copy just arrived in the mail).

"Some people are otherwise" is a nice way of saying that I looked up the word "naive" in the dictionary this morning and I saw Al Gore's picture or was that Nancy Pelosi's? They look like they were twins separated at birth (I think it's the vacant look in their eyes).

Like we need our health system overhauled by "experts" from California, eh? Rumor has it that California is going to build a wall on its eastern border to keep the "rich" people from moving to Nevada and Arizona. Sorry, I meant to keep this short and sweet and light, but got carried away. I guess I just read too much as a very young child (too much Jim Murray and Al Capp don't forget Sadie Hawkins Day).

And while I'm at it, how 'bout them Saints, eh? Another rumor is that the coming Federal football czar is going to change their nickname to a more carbon-neutral one, such as the "Whirlwind" (nah, the Diablos) and the Rams will be moved back to L.A. Of course the city of Angels will have to be changed. Rams is too male-chauvinistic (and I don't even want to talk about the "Redskins"). But the Rams could be called the "Avantis" or something, and L.A. could be renamed what? "VasIssLos"? St. Louis will be renamed "Louis IXV," and let them eat cupcakes as far as the politically correct are concerned (which isn't much).

The good news is that they are beginning to be a bit nervous about putting so much power into the Executive Branch of government, because who knows the White House might actually be run again someday by the Republicans er, Neanderthals.

That is all. I can't think of any more sweetness and LIGHT. Besides, if we get too much light, the snow on Mt. Kilimanjaro might melt and make the oceans rise two feet.

(signed) { [ : ( ] )

- C. Dahlgren, U.P. MI

P.S.


To whom it may concern, feel free to republish this, but do not use spell-check on it or you don't know what may happen. Spell-check never heard of the word "Lambeau" and (by the way) if you type in the name of the publisher of the New York Times, it comes up "sleazebag," but I forget what the point of that one was.

Oh, one more thing I almost forgot: The mainstream media will be pulling for everyone to beat the Colts the rest of the way. Northeasterners just hate traveling to Indiana for a playoff game. PPS:

Almost forgot, "one more thing," as Columbo would put it. Another headline in the news this morning was: "Astroturf catches on fire" (I didn't read the story because my computer is too slow, but what was that all about?). Was that about the American "grass roots" catching fire (we all know the media calls the grass roots "astroturf").? Maybe it's a metaphor.

More to come.

© Curtis Dahlgren

 

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Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)

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