Curtis Dahlgren
Historic headlines: "CUBS WIN!"; "Man bytes dog," etc.
By Curtis Dahlgren
November 2, 2010


Detroit (ESPN)- "Lions beat Washington on eve of elections."

Washington (AP)- "GOP defies voting fraud — even in Minnesota!"

"Government-media complex has a cow — and dies giving birth!"

"Publisher of New York Times nearly chokes on an artichoke."

Athens (AP)- "Checks bounce for Greeks bearing gifts."

Paris (Reuters)- "Utopia turns out to be hellishly familiar to France!"

"Bret Favre make a comeback; Santa Claus retires."

"Giants win World Series; Pelosi says to Hell with it!"

"Harry Reid becomes an alcoholic; Lady Gaga becomes a nun."

"Lake Michigan freezes over; Hell, Michigan temperature 'missing.'"

"Napoleon, Michigan colder than Hell; Asian Carp finally die off."

"Annaheim Ducks skate on real ice."

"Winter White House moved to Alaska."

"Mrs. Obama says 'shut up and eat your vegetables. And drink your TEA'!"

"Ruler of Red China swims across Bering Strait with Olympic torch between his teeth."

"Mexico builds fence to prevent former citizens from returning."

"Volcano strikes Jurassic Park."

"Fantasy Island closed for the winter."

"'Survivor' cancelled."

"Al Gore moves to Greenland."

"Jerry Brown wins but refuses to take the job."

"Wanda Sykes hospitalized with liver disease."

"Ben Bernanke takes out a second mortgage."

"George Soros living out of his limousine."

"Homeland Security chief arrested in bomb plot."

"President of Iran looks across Israeli border and says 'ach — they can keep it for all I care!'"

"Lions win Super Bowl and Cubs win World Series."

"NPR: This is not the End of the World, but you can almost see it from here."

"Joe Biden: I've got tears in my beer crying over us."

P.S. On the election-morning-after some people will be happy and some will be "angry," but I knew that this was going to be a special year. I voted for Dr. Benishek in the primary and he won — on the first count — by one vote!

And then recently, Bart Stupak's county had an earthquake that opened up a 600-foot crack in the earth (a metaphor for the political earthquake that was about to occur, eh?).

I wonder if Bart got one of those pens the prez used when signing the HELLthcare bill (the Prez said that he "didn't see the earth open up" when he signed that bill).


© Curtis Dahlgren


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Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)


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