Curtis Dahlgren
August 2, 2016
DNC: Pity Party becomes the Party of the Constitution(?)
By Curtis Dahlgren

"Who told you to flee from the wrath to come?" – John the Baptist, to Pharisees coming late to church

I'M OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE this week, without TV, but I heard it through the grapevine that somebody nominated a blonde for President and, on the other side, a super model for first lady, married to a 70-year-old casino operator. But if Hillary wins, the first lady is going to be ----? I don't even want to think about it. People used to say "Things can't get any worse" but -

My house was built in the woods; I wrote a better book, preached a better sermon, and built a better mouse trap, but the path to my door is growing over with weeds because da Prez sez "You didn't build that, and you can't say that!" The only thing "beaten" up is my political incorrectness. And the government says I should help pay to build houses for people who have given up looking for work.

I don't care if the cat is black or white, someone said, as long as it's a good mouser. Alas, times have changed. Alinsky and Chomsky are "in" and John Stuart Mill and Milton are out ("Give me liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties").

"Much might be said on both sides." – Joseph Addison

On the other hand, there is no other hand, to coin a phrase. A lot of plagiarism be going on here. Sometimes you just have to laugh. So, a drunk walks into the bar at Hotel California. The bar is called Karma and the drunk asks for a menu. "Menu," says the bartender. "We don't have menus. Here you just get what you have coming. Just desserts." It's sort of that way with nations and leaders too. "Seriously folks," we need to talk. Discussion of public affairs used to be the main fare in the olde inns and pubs and rathskellars, but that is virtually verboten in the era of political correctness.

The University of Michigan, for example, has a "Speak softly" speech code. If a millennial snowflake hears a "discouraging word" he/she/it can flee to a Safe House for counseling, and the guilty speaker can be sent to "sensitivity camp." I wonder if any professors have to run to the Safe House if they happen to hear something annoying to them in the faculty lounge? "Safe space" reminds one of Prohibition, and when it comes to speech, it really IS!

Hillary says "I believe in science." And her point is what? If survival of the fittest gave rise to the human species, what's going to become of us when kids can't bear to hear words such as underachiever, retard, dumm kopf, or loon (unless your are referring to a conservative; in that case you are "hip" and part of the smartest generation ever (the New Soviet Man). The list of banned words even includes political correctness (for obvious reasons).

By the way, I wonder if Hillary is in the flossing camp or the flossing-skeptic camp of science? The Surgeon General endorsed flossing in 1979, but no research was done as required by law. Some people now say that the whole thing was paid for by the floss manufacturers. Put me down as neutral on this one. I'm not very good at flossing anyway. And I never drank eight glasses of water a day as "required."

"Things are in the saddle, and ride mankind." – Emerson

Einstein said that Modernists reminded him of the near-sighted man who was too proud to wear glasses. They stop up their ears too. They can't see history clearly, so they can't see what's coming. If they think we're suffering now, well – just remember that all the pundits have been all wrong all year.

Someone said that a person without humor is like a buckboard without springs; he feels every pebble in his path. I had a birthday last week and I'm dating myself with such words as buckboard and gee/haw, eh? Hope I haven't offended any tee-totalers with my bar jokes, but how about this one"

A preacher walks into a bar. After the shock wears off, someone says, "Pastor, I'll buy you anything you want if you can tell a joke." So the preacher says this is his favorite:

A little boy was reading the Bible to the family house cat. After a while, he picks up the cat and tries to baptize it in the kitchen sink. His mother said that cats don't like water, you know. And the little boys says:

"Well then he shouldn't have joined my church."

P.S.
The moral of the story is, to wrap up another column, it's like when Noah closed the door on the ark and said:

"It's time to put 'er in the water."

PPS: Full disclosure: I only write about politics in hopes of baiting Liberals into reading some religion. Where is Billy Sunday now that Chicago needs him? Bottom line: the leopard can't change its spots but he/she/it/they can cover them up.

Using the correct pronoun is now a bigger issue than the trade deficit, the national debt, or terrorism. Tain't funny McGee.

© Curtis Dahlgren

 

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Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)

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