Overqualified to be president

By Helen Weir

Drive down the road listening to the radio these days in western Wisconsin, and you will be treated to mind-numbingly condescending, state-sponsored warnings to wear a life jacket while boating, and to stay clear of moving trains. Add to that the constant stream of shocking nonsense emanating from Madison and Washington, and you start getting as glassy-eyed as the handiwork of a taxidermist. Imagine our shock and delight, then, when the wickedly sarcastic Isaac Weix (pronounced "Wicks") took to the airwaves to advertise his hardware business and, more importantly, to announce his candidacy for the 93rd Assembly District. "Are you attempting to live a government-approved green lifestyle in Diversityville?" asks one of his ads. "If so, come down to T & S Hardware, where we have the cure for government-induced rectocranial inversion. We use a new technology given to us by aliens, that the government does not have access to. It's called MATHEMATICS."

"Here at T & S Hardware in Elmwood," notes another spot, "we've decided to have a Deficit Spending Sale. It's very simple. No coupons necessary. All you have to do is bring your grandkids, and let them pay for everything!"

Now, I don't even live in the 93rd Assembly District, and you probably don't, either. Still, there is something so uplifting about knowing that a guy like Mr. Weix is out there — willing to state his convictions not only in the political arena, but in the business world as well — that I wanted to let people far and wide know about him, too.

Here are some excerpts from my recent interview with Isaac, a married man with two kids who has been in the private sector for a decade and a Marine for nearly two, which leaves him — in his own irrefutable estimation — overqualified to be President:

HV: What made you decide to run for office?

IW: I got interested in politics because of serving in the military. You get up close and personal with politics, that way. Also, I have to meet payroll. Here in Wisconsin, we have people who don't understand small business representing us in Madison.

HV: What's the biggest problem, in your estimation?

IW: It isn't one thing. It's more like a million little cuts. I really get killed on my property taxes, and I have to have somewhere in the neighborhood of five different licenses — each with its own fee. Then there's the paperwork. A tax is more than just the money you pay. It's the lost time and productivity, too.

HV: I have a friend who, every time she has to fill out a form stating her "Occupation," writes "Taxpayer."

IW: That's about it. Let's see, I use, maybe, eight hours a week doing government paperwork. If you calculate that out (Isaac does some quick mental math), that's an awful lot of money that I'm not making. I don't think I ever worked it out that way before. I wish you hadn't asked me that!

HV: Tell me about your ads, which a lot of us absolutely love. My kids will even tell me not to turn the radio down during commercial breaks, in case Isaac happens to come on.

IW: It originally started with the whole Earth Day/carbon footprint nonsense. I came up with a "stick-it-in-your-eye" ad about that, the whole intent of which was to get a reaction, either positive or negative. Let's just say that I was expecting "negative." After all, nobody had ever done anything like that before.

Well, the response was overwhelmingly positive. And it seems like, the further I step over the line, the better people like it.

HV: Which is your personal favorite?

IW: The one where I speak in a Russian accent. Some of the commercials are very straightforward, with only one tongue-in-cheek remark thrown in somewhere. There's the one about paint, where I mention that "red is the new green." We have had people come into the store specifically because of the ads.

HV: Let's talk about issues. Tell us where candidate Weix stands.

IW: Right now, in Wisconsin, the budget is the biggest thing that we have to straighten out. Our deficit is two billion, so something's got to give. When workers in the public sector are paid, on average, higher than in the private sector, it's unsustainable.

HV: What is your belief about abortion?

IW: I'm personally against it, and I'm endorsed by Wisconsin Right to Life. On the state level, I'm not going to be able to make it illegal. We'll have to wait for five guys on the Supreme Court to do that. The Constitution has been interpreted a certain way, and we'll have to abide by it. On the state level, we can make sure that people who don't agree with it aren't funding it.

HV: And I take it, you are against Obamacare as well?

IW: Listen, 1500 pages cannot simplify or cheapen anything.

HV: Do you identify with the Tea Party movement? What are your thoughts about it?

IW: What's called the Tea Party is an amalgamation of differing viewpoints. There is no "Tea Party" platform to stand for or against. I do agree that we need lower taxes and less government.

HV: What about President Obama bringing home troops from Iraq?

IW: This is really Bush's timetable that we're following. If conditions on the ground are conducive, I really don't have an issue with it.

HV: And the current President himself?

IW: I think that Barack Obama was unprepared for what he is doing. He doesn't have the experience or the temperament for it. Ultimately, as a military man, he's my boss, but I do not think he was ready for the gravity of what he is facing. This administration isn't going to last.

Check out www.isaacweixforassembly.com !

© Helen Weir