Curtis Dahlgren
It's hard to look cool when you're sitting on a manure spreader * (pls fwd)
FacebookTwitterGoogle+
By Curtis Dahlgren
July 22, 2015

"Upon this battle depends the future of Christian civilization." – Churchill

POLITICS! The juxtaposition of opposites. Defying description, sanity, and analogies. Stretching the limits of plausibility, impossibility, and fantasy. Separating the image from the actuality.

In the age of TV, just try to look cool and keep your mouth shut as much as possible? Speaking of word-pictures, there's nothing "crazier" than a nervous house fly. Sure he's paranoid, but he should be! You there with swatter in hand; he crouched down like a sprinter waiting for the gun to go off. And then – strike! Another swing and a miss.

As an aside, my mother used to laugh when she heard "a swing and a miss"; she pictured a "miss" swinging on a swing. Women are from Venus, but she would have made a good White House correspondent; she was the master of The Dumb Question. And she would be surprised that no one calls a miss a "Miss" anymore (that's been a verboten word since about the time Nixon left the White House). Girls are now called a "child" – to age 26 – or a "Ms.," a term I'm still not used to.

By the way, I'm so old-fashioned that as a kid I used to drive horses to spread manure that I had pitched by hand. How's that for a word-picture? Sitting downwind from two gas-emitting horses – and sitting over cow manure. In defense of cows, I must say that cow gas is nothing compared to horse gas, quantity-wise.

Those enviro-mentalists must be on methane themselves. Juiced. They blame cow gas for everything that goes wrong in the world, but there are probably more deer and antelope, more moose, elk, and caribou in this country than cows, right? Not to mention seven billion people breathing out carbon dioxide (it's good for plants).

I'm so old I can remember when Mc Donald's had only sold "Hundreds and hundreds" of hamburgers, not billions, and I can't fathom a trillion (let alone 18 trillion in debt). Modern studies about food were a pet peeve for my mother. One Dumb Question: "Who says that butter is bad for your health?" Turns out she was spot-on as usual. Science now has to eat crow along with the buttered popcorn. Eggs, and salt on your eggs, won't hurt you either, but don't make a habit of crow. It's bad for your gizzard and credibility, new studies claim.

*Well, that's my column for today. I was distracted by a house fly, but there must be some lessons in there somewhere. As the Boy Scouts now say: "Be prepared. For anything!" The title of this column was inspired by Roger Pond's book "It's hard to look cool when your car's full of sheep; tales from the back 40." I figured it would "catch your eye."

P.S. Seriously folks,
Winston Churchill had a point about "the future of Christian civilization." My parents were born in 1900 and 1901 and saw a lot of history. My mother was intrigued by the prophecy "They shall speak lies at one table." If she came back today, she would probably be asking the following BIG Dumb Questions:

- WHO SAYS that climate is our biggest challenge?

- We're promising the Arabs 1967 borders, and we made a deal with Iran?

-
Why is the world helping pay for their bomb? Such a deal; why wouldn't Iran sign it?

- Islamist terror? How many "lone wolves" does it take to make a pack?

- Are Sunnis and Shiites killing each other "peacefully"?

- Borders? Why should we be the only country in the world with an open border?

- If we went to Mexico, would they leave the light on for US?

- If the invasion came from the north, would opponents still be called xenophobes?

- Our national debt is HOW MUCH??

- Who says the earth is warming up?

- WHO SAYS the seas are rising?

- And, why did Al Gore buy a home on the beach?

PPS: A recent news item said that the Park Service is predicting that the seas are going to rise THREE FEET. "'Every little bit helps,' said the mosquito when he peed in the ocean," my grandmother used to say. But REALLY, how many gallons of water would it take to raise sea level even one INCH? Has anyone ever done the math? Only a fraction of the earth is land mass, and only a fraction of that has ice or snow on it. The ice floating on the seas is a moot point, since its mass is the same, solid or liquid (melting icebergs don't raise water levels).

The Alar scare was a scam. The ozone hole "problem" got managed. How do you know global warming isn't a scam? We know so little for sure that a bit of warming might be a
good thing! Check out Rush Limbaugh.com and climatedepot.com. Also, you might google "The eight stages of genocide." [More to come.]

© Curtis Dahlgren

 

The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
(See RenewAmerica's publishing standards.)

Click to enlarge

Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)

Subscribe

Receive future articles by Curtis Dahlgren: Click here

More by this author

September 12, 2019
The 'green movement' – climate change included – is an ancient pagan cult


September 10, 2019
Nuking the nuclear family and pagan Green religions won't "Save the planet"


August 30, 2019
GENDER WARS: It's time to push back on the "True Believers" on the lunatic Left


August 21, 2019
The Ides of August, part 2 (college orientation week)


August 16, 2019
The Ides of August again (college "orientation" time)


August 5, 2019
Academania vs. the little red schoolhouse I went to in the 40s


July 26, 2019
Do gentiles ever tell jokes? (Part 2 on "sorrow" and laughter)


July 19, 2019
Re Trump: A quick seminar on anger, sorrow, and laughter


July 8, 2019
The pundits pundit pitiful punditry (professors, prophets, and other liars)


June 29, 2019
A charitable foundation folds!


More articles

 

Stephen Stone
'The fervent prayer of the righteous'

Siena Hoefling
Protect the Children: Update with VIDEO

Paul Cameron
Massachusetts proves homosexuality is learned

Eric Giunta
Review: "Mary in Early Christian Faith and Devotion," by Stephen J. Shoemaker

Judie Brown
A cheerleader, an abortionist, and dead babies

Lloyd Marcus
Democrats' and media's evil mission to divide Americans

Tom DeWeese
Growing government tyranny – Democrats empower it, Republicans are clueless

Jerry Newcombe
Does the Hong Kong protest have a prayer?

Matt C. Abbott
Did abortionist Ulrich Klopfer repent before his death?

Judie Brown
Faith, reason, and Pope Francis

Sher Zieve
There is nothing the Democrats won't do in order to win in 2020

Selwyn Duke
Why AR-15s are the plastic straws of the gun world

Eric Giunta
"Open borders" and the conservative tradition -- Part I: The Salamanca Scholastics

Rev. Mark H. Creech
Constructive criticism for SBC President, J.D. Greear, on homosexual sin
  More columns

Cartoons


Click for full cartoon
More cartoons

RSS feeds

News:
Columns:

Columnists

Matt C. Abbott
Chris Adamo
Russ J. Alan
Bonnie Alba
Jamie Freeze Baird
Chuck Baldwin
Kevin J. Banet
J. Matt Barber
. . .
[See more]

Sister sites