Dan Popp
A modest proposal
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By Dan Popp
November 2, 2011

We must stop thinking of the individual and start thinking about what is best for society. — Hillary Clinton

With all due respect to everyone else on the planet, I think you all are missing the point. The problem with the rich is not that they have more money than everyone else. Money is just a symbol. But a symbol of what? Of additional advantages, or choices. And it represents the ability to pass those choices on to others, which we have generally called, "power." Merely relieving the rich of some green paper will not solve the unbearable problem that they can do more with their lives than we can. Take their money, and (like the evil snack chip manufacturer) they'll "make more." No, in order to achieve our dream of perfect equality, we have to deal with the effects of their monetary excess.

We must limit their choices.

Pay no attention to the rabid right-wingers who will say that we "pro-choice" people are hypocrites for suggesting that the over-choiced be tapped harder for the benefit of the under-choiced. Choice, like all rights, is relative. It's subject to the sanction of the state. Meaning, Us. One person having a choice that someone else doesn't have, is clearly unfair. And unfairness is simply intolerable.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Millionaires (those making over $200,00 per year) will be allowed to buy as many yachts, airplanes and Hummers as they wish — but we will ration petroleum fuels to 12 gallons per vehicle per week.

2. The rich will be forbidden to dine in swanky restaurants. They will prepare their own food from their commodity cheese and peanut butter rations, or enjoy spaghetti Bolognese at any of our various Occupation Kitchens.

3. All affluent people will dress like the (formerly) homeless. They will buy their clothing from thrift stores, or weave their own, like we anti-Capitalists do.

4. The new Federal Housing Allowance of 500 square feet per person will be enforced strictly.

5. Anyone caught attempting to purchase health care on the black market will be euthanized on the spot. The Affordable Care Act (as modified by the Loving Choice Bill and the Reasonably-Priced Compassion Amendment) provides all the medical treatment any citizen deserves. Um needs — I mean, needs. Our new Life Panels will see to that.

6. Millionaires are not allowed to buy or start a business (by which they might enrich themselves even more!), nor to lend money to start or maintain a business.

7. Close associates of the rich must be disemployed, like the rest of America. No more Personal Assistants, Entourages, Posses, or Hangers-On. The gravy train for lazy relatives stops in front of the local Welfare Office. If they're going to mooch, let them mooch off of ordinary taxpayers.

8. Other employees of the wealthy must be paid compensation and benefits such as the Congress shall, from time to time (those times being election years), determine. If such requirements put their companies out of business, the employees can just take advantage of our unlimited, free unemployment pay.

9. The rich must give only to government-approved charities — that is, the state Well-Being Fund. All hospitals, orphanages and shelters bearing the names of unelected persons shall be renamed as they are sociali...nationali...basically...taken over.

10. The offspring of the rich may attend any college or university they like — but upon graduation they must become unionized teachers, policemen or construction workers on the Washington payroll.

But, you may say, this is all being done now, right under their noses. We progressives have so thoroughly indoctrinated the young that some of them are now demanding that choices be taken from others and given to them. All we had to do was distract them from lofty notions about private property by pretending that we were concerned about unholy money; and then accuse earners of greed, while applauding the greedy and power-mad as champions of social justice. We have so completely perverted the concept of justice that there is barely a whimper of outrage when our cry goes up to take more from the rich simply because they have more to take. Why let the cat out of the bag now?, my critics will want to know. If we admit that money is property, gained by creating value for others; and that property is choice; they will certainly realize that choice is another word for liberty. Once Toto has pulled back the curtain, our charade is over.

But comrades, don't you see? It's too late now. The lust of our envious, brain-dead hordes will drive them forward in spite of — no, because of — the manifest injustice of collective theft, and the futility of destruction. Our foremothers knew the time would come when we would have to turn the lie on its head. "It's not about rights, it's about money" must become "It's not about money, it's about rights" in order for us to bestow upon ourselves new rights risen from the ashes of their old rights. Not only will we embolden our throngs by making wealth useless, we will strike fear into the hearts of the store owners, the talented, the risk-takers — those brazen individuals who feel no shame at their own success. They will realize in one terrifying instant that their victory is defeat; that more money will not benefit them in the slightest; that they have no choice but to contribute their fair share, get some skin in the game, and receive with appropriate humility only as much as they need from the community's bounty.

With apologies to Jonathan Swift, I believe that what I've set forth here is a modest proposal. As the rich lose their choices, they will lose their ability to increase the choices of other people. On the soon-coming day when the same single choice remains to everyone — the choice to obey the benevolent state — then we will be equal.

Then we will be free.

A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. — Thomas Jefferson

© Dan Popp

 

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