Harold Witkov
Miracle Gro: the cure for global warming
By Harold Witkov
April 20, 2009

In 1928, a London breeze transported some mold spores through an open window and gently placed them upon the discarded petri dish of a Scottish research scientist, leading to the discovery of penicillin. This Alexander Fleming discovery began an antibiotic revolution that eventually brought about a cure for many of the bacterial diseases that ravaged the human community. Recently, in Russia, a serendipitous wind carried a spruce tree seed up the nose of Artyom Sidorkin. Perhaps, this chance occurrence will one day lead to the cure for global warming and climate change.

The Sidorkin saga, documented in newsrooms throughout the world and on the Internet, began when he unwittingly inhaled a spruce tree seed. Miraculously, the tree, without sunlight and earth, took root and began to grow in one of his lungs. Not feeling quite his self, Sidorkin sought medical counseling. Eventually, he received x-rays, and ended up in surgery. Assuming a cancerous tumor, the doctors instead found he had grown a two-inch tree in one of his lungs. Foolishly, the surgeons removed the tree.

The Russian surgeons were foolish because Artyom Sidorkin, prior to his surgery, was on his way to living a life without a carbon footprint. According to environmental scientists, a middle-size tree absorbs as much CO2 through its leaves as a man exhales out his lungs. In other words, the more Sidorkin's tree grew, the more ecologically friendly he became. But all that changed with the surgery.

Nevertheless, what is important now is that the world of science understands that the human lung has the capacity for growing trees. I call upon our greatest minds to do everything in their power to perfect this process. With the help of our leading scientists and entrepreneurs, I see a future world populated not of men and women, but of carbon free men-trees and women-trees.

A future world of men-trees and women-trees will provide other advantages too. Take Christmas. Every year, millions of trees are cut down and artificial (environmentally unfriendly) Christmas trees are purchased. One day, people will neither cut down nor purchase Christmas trees. They will simply stand grandpa in the corner of the living room and decorate him.

As man-tree science grows, every individual will one day get to choose what type of tree he or she wants grown within. Each person will not only get to grow spruces, but maples, elms, and oaks. And when grandma passes away, she will be buried in the backyard, and every autumn her family will think of her when they eat her apples.

With the advent of man-tree technology, the day will come when nature and humanity will stand together as never before. Squirrels will jump from one person to another, unafraid. Birds will land on heads and build nests in armpits. Tree hugging will take on a new meaning and everyone will think green.

© Harold Witkov


The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
(See RenewAmerica's publishing standards.)

Click to enlarge

Harold Witkov

Harold Witkov is a freelance writer in the Chicago area, who previously worked in textbook publishing and sales for more than thirty years.

He began his freelance writing fifteen years ago, specializing in inspirational and humorous first-person narratives. Among others, he has written for Science of Mind, Unity Magazine, Reunions Magazine and The Jewish Voice and Opinion. Harold Witkov's articles are widespread on the Internet. He has written for Renew America, American Thinker, Right Wing News, Enter Stage Right, and Land of the Free, just to name a few.


Receive future articles by Harold Witkov: Click here

More by this author


Stephen Stone
The most egregious lies Evan McMullin and the media have told about Sen. Mike Lee

Siena Hoefling
Protect the Children: Update with VIDEO

Stephen Stone
Flashback: Dems' fake claim that Trump and Utah congressional hopeful Burgess Owens want 'renewed nuclear testing' blows up when examined

Rev. Mark H. Creech
Revelation Chapter 16: A world shaken and pummeled to the ground

Victor Sharpe
November 2, 1956: A day and a month that changed the world

Jerry Newcombe
Communist goals and America

Madeline Crabb
The importance of dress codes and standards

Curtis Dahlgren
'Inside American Education;' beware professional liars

Cherie Zaslawsky
The firebombing of Maui: Part Two

Cherie Zaslawsky
The firebombing of Maui: Part One

Steve A. Stone
Sen. Mike Lee gives us a lesson in sausage making

Pete Riehm
Whether it's the border, crime, or government, lawlessness cannot be ignored!

Frank Louis
Is simulation winning out over reality? Perception? I think maybe so.

R.T. Neary
Bidenism run amok – and it was clearly foreseen

Rev. Mark H. Creech
Revelation Chapter 16: When the great river runs dry
  More columns


Click for full cartoon
More cartoons


Matt C. Abbott
Chris Adamo
Russ J. Alan
Bonnie Alba
Chuck Baldwin
Kevin J. Banet
J. Matt Barber
Fr. Tom Bartolomeo
. . .
[See more]

Sister sites