Curtis Dahlgren
Lessons (and laughs) from the Six Day War (and Yom Kippur)
By Curtis Dahlgren
September 9, 2018

"The fist is quicker than the mouth." – Moshe Dayan

ON THE OTHER HAND, to coin a phrase, there is another hand – and a God – which even secular Israelites found interesting during Six Days in '67. Israel was attacked from three sides by nations hoping to drive them into the sea. As Hillary would say, "What happened"? "The accused became the accuser, the fox the hound, the intended victim the conqueror, and survivors of the Holocaust the Ministers of Justice."

Even after his Air Force was destroyed, Nasser told Jordan that the planes they saw flying back and forth on radar were his planes bombing Israel and coming back to reload. Walter Winchell said "It couldn't have happened to a Nasser guy" ("Public Enema #1"). Gamal Abdul Nasser was thinking about changing his name to Genghis Cohen. Frank Sinatra said he now wanted to go to Israel "to see the pyramids." The Cairo-Hilton began scheduling Bar Mitzvahs.

Someone complained that the campaign wasn't FAIR; "Israel has more than two million Jews and their enemies have almost none." Russia became one of the scapegoats. They had sent 200 tanks to Syria, complete with curb feelers and back-up lights. Besides, Russian intelligence was off, way off. So when all else fails, just say "What happened?" and blame the Russians as usual.

Columnist David Schwartz explained the real reason Egypt's victory had been stolen from them: Their alliance had copied the strategy of the Russian general who beat Napoleon: "They drew the enemy deep into their own territory and waited for snow." So blame global warming and the Russians.

Algeria tried to help. They sent two dozen airplanes, ahead to El Arish, unaware that Israel had already captured it. Jews fluent in Arabic talked the Algerians into the field. The Algerians had to chant "Hands up. Don't shoot." Israel's "unknown" soldier had put graffiti on a burned out Arabian tank: "OIL AND CHICKEN SOUP DON'T MIX." From those six days on, the Arab hordes were known around the world as "The METS, with guns."

"At the end of the DAY," God wins! He can correct anyone if necessary, but if you want to drive the state of Israel into the sea, you had better get a second opinion before firing the Shot hear 'round the world.

"Rejoice not, whole Palestina, when your enemy falls." – Old Testament (also good advice for anyone who celebrates the 9-11 folly)

P.S. Most of these "war stories" were paraphrased from the "Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor," edited by Henry Spalding and published by Jonathan David (1973).

© Curtis Dahlgren


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Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)


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