Curtis Dahlgren
Lawyer, lawyer, pants on fire! (Many witnesses, part 1)
By Curtis Dahlgren
January 30, 2018

"A good lawyer must be a great liar." – Edward Ward (1703)

Why does a hearse horse snicker

When hauling a lawyer away?

Carl Sandburg ("The Lawyers Know Too Much," 1920)

I HIT THE MOTHER LODE when I turned to page 1370 in my big book of proverbs ("LAWYER"). The federal government alone, I've heard, employs 30,000 lawyers. The U.S. may have more lawyers than the rest of the nations combined. No wonder we have problems. Even Thomas Jefferson said, referring to congress in 1820:

"That 150 lawyers should do business together ought not to be expected."

No less than the Lord Himself said, "Woe unto you also, ye lawyers, for ye load men with burdens that are difficult to be borne, and you have taken away the key of knowledge . . [and] the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."

"Law-mongering lawyers, turning black to white."
– Rabelais (1545)

We all know what ACLU lawyers have done to shield the atheist from guilt, but as for those "burdens" they put on the rest of us, Alexis de Tocqueville wrote, in the 1830s, "I seek to trace the novel features under which despotism may appear in the world. The first thing that strikes the observation is an innumerable multitude of [lay]men, [but] . . Above this race of men stands an immense and tutelary power, which takes upon itself alone to secure their gratifications, and to watch over their fate . . .

"It would be like the authority of a parent, if, like that authority, its object was to prepare men for manhood; but it seeks on the contrary to keep them in perpetual childhood . . [This "elite" class] chooses to be the sole agent and only arbiter of that happiness: it provides for their security, . . regulates the descent of property, and subdivides their inheritances – what remains, but to spare them all the care of thinking and all the trouble of living . .

"It covers the surface of society with a network of small complicated rules, minute and uniform, through which the most original minds and the most energetic characters cannot penetrate, to rise above the crowd."

In simple words, "equality, 'security,' and fraternity," but no prosperity. President Reagan said:

"For many years now, you and I have been shushed like children and told that there are no simple answers."

In other words, the Deep State thinks it is "very" Deep, and common sense solutions are "too simplistic." For instance, tort reform could lower medical costs immensely, but of course who stands in the way of that? Our illustrious trial lawyers and their lobbyists!

"Lawyer: The only man in whom ignorance of the law is not punished." – Elbert Hubbard (1910)

They are ignorant of the laws of Nature and Nature's God. They are ignorant of the laws of economics, except when it comes to their own pocket books. Not all of them, but you know the old saw:

"Ninety five percent of lawyers give the rest of them a bad name."

Goldsmith said, "Lawyers are always more ready to get a man into troubles than to get him out of them." Someone said that the lawyer gets the pearls and gives his client the shells. They say that lawyers avoid going to court themselves if they can possibly avoid it.

A lawyer walks into a church to go to confession. He says, "Father, I wish to confess the sin of vanity. Every time I look into a mirror, I think how handsome I am." The priest recognizes the voice and knows what the guy looks like, and so he says:

"That's not a sin. That's a mistake."

Isn't that the word the lawyer-politician always uses to get himself out of trouble? "No intent to break the law." Shoot, maybe the laws don't even apply to Congress anyway? Or to the rest of the Deep State? They call it "discretionary enforcement" now, assuming that the rest of us don't know what that means! Now that the 1960s "disestablishmentarians" are leading such branches of the government as the FBI, you can no longer "question authority" the way they used to advise us. They have become the authoritarians, believe it or not, and you'd better bow to them and to the media.

Lawyers originated the Freedom From Religion movement while in college. The news and entertainment media just tried to popularize it. Charlton Heston said, however, that if you don't own the right to the thoughts in your own head, you don't own much.

"Freedom" originally meant just that, not freedom from fear, want, or religion. Just freedom from tyranny.

I just made that up. I originally meant to set in order the many nuggets of wisdom from my book of proverbs and maxims, but I've been winging it, so this is getting to be a bit long. I can always save them for next week.

PPS: Memo to the President: Be careful what you say to the "very special" counselor; it's a trap.

© Curtis Dahlgren


The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
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Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)


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