Curtis Dahlgren
Shrewing the Thames; biting the 'and that fuels us; or, The Duck Stops Here
By Curtis Dahlgren
June 19, 2010

"We have to offer up scary scenarios, make simplified, dramatic statements, and . . . Each of us has to decide what the right balance is between being effective and being honest." — Stephen Schneider [global warming alarmist, Discover magazine; quoted by Chris Horner in "Red Hot Lies"]

"Ours is a world not of angels but of angles where men speak of moral principles but act on power principles." — Saul Alinsky

A GUY WALKS INTO A PUB AND SEES A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. He walks up to her and kisses her cheek. She slaps him and says, "What did you do that for?" He says:

"Oh I'm sorry madam; I thought you were my wife. You look just loik my woif." And she says:

"You dirty rotten no-good drunk. I ought to call the cops." And he sez:

"You even sound just loik her!"

When you get a group of Congressmen on TV, they sound just loik that too, laddie. Henry Waxman sounds more like a wax woman in some British museum. Bart Stupak looks awfully gray-headed all of a sudden. This premature show-trial of BP reminds me of what Little Johnnie said when he first heard what a prostitute was:

"You mean they get paid for doing that stuff?"

Never read my column if you have no sense of irony. "At the end of the day" yesterday Representative Barton was in deeper doo doo than BP. The RINOs want to put Barton before a firing squad for uttering the words "shake-down" and "slush funds."

Those wouldn't have been MY words. I would have said, "Alfonso Capone would be so proud of this bunch. "Protection racket" unfortunately does not refer to protecting the Gulf shores. Michael Savage says:

"Don't you understand? They don't want a clean-up."

Speaking of power principles, this is the beginning of the micromanaging of the oil industry (the executive branch now has a lien on $20 billion worth of BP assets — to be used by people who have never had a real job outside of the ivory towers of academe. They are turning an "accident" into "independent wealth" for the same bureaucracies that are dragging their feet on the "clean-up."

By the way, the St. Valentine's Day massacre was no "accident," and — some critics wonder — will we ever find out what set off that oil rig fire? Timing is everything and the timing was just too "perfect."

Al Gore had already lost the "global warming" debate and was about to lose his head and his fortune. Talk about boob enhancement! And the President didn't have a prayer on his cap and trade BTU taxes. His hopes for change were disappearing into thin air. Harry Reid was 11 points behind a near-anonymous woman. The Dems in South Carolina nominated a man who isn't working to run for the U.S. Senate. So what else in new? He'll fit right in. The SC Dems ought to run Mr. Greene as a Favorite Son in 2012. That might improve their chances.

Before the oil spill, Senator Boxer's poll numbers were sagging more than — well, you know what — the President's approval numbers (nearly twice as many voters say they "strongly disapprove" as say they strongly approve). Before the BP "accident" he was just another pretty face taking candy out of the hands of babies and school children while gaining a few pounds at State Dinners for foreign "dignitaries."

Speaking fo pretty faces, Mr. Pelosi was quoted as saying, "That was no lady. That was my wife." What this country needs is a cheaper House of Reps and another Nancy who will JUST SAY NO to reckless spending and illegal immigration. I'm talking about immigration from Arizona to California.

Anyway, those are just a few of the week's headlines, and we haven't even started talking about Governor Blago's trial. Sorry about the quality of the humor today, but I'm a bit punch drunk from spending five hours on the road yesterday driving on detours around road construction. Seems that the Dept. of Transportation can't spend its money fast enough, which is why they want another gas tax hike (makes sense to the White House anyway).

The liberals in Congress are more emotional than the French soccer team. I watched about 2 minutes of the World Cup yesterday. Talk about dinking around and dinking around, those soccer players have absolutely no hand-eye coordination whatsoever. Give me a good old rugby scrum any day.

And speaking of scrums, the Administration and the NRA played "Let's Make a Deal" this week. The honeymoon is definitely over for the White House, the NRA, and Rush Limbaugh — which means Rush can get back to work doing the Lord's Work. He put the Gulf spill in perspective yesterday by reminding us how deep the water is out there.

Not that it's a good thing, but in mathematical terms, the oil spill is comparable to a nano-ounce of oil in your bath tub. More oil would wash off your own body than that. Liberals are so bad at math that they have trouble comparing a .01% sales tax and 1.1 Trillion dollars. Charlie Sykes says that 2/3 of Florida college students require remedial math, and he asks, "How did they get into college?"

The thing about oil is that it floats on the surface — bad for P.R. but good for collecting it (if the Feds were actually interested in COLLECTING the stuff)!

Two columns ago I said that we ought to "temper" our criticism of the response to the Deep Katrina oil rig "accident" just in case the next President has to deal with the big California earthquake. I can't apologize for that, but it was an incomplete comment. It's becoming more obvious with each passing day that Federal red tape and confusion among the various agencies responding that much of this was a preventable "foul up."

Rumors on the grapevine say that not only is the Justice Dept. suing Arizona, but suing Louisiana for trying to prevent the oil from reaching shore. Justice wanted more photo ops of black pelicans to embellish the lawsuit against BP (I'm only being partly facetious).

Speaking of lame ducks, there are two theories about the future of our Prez. My crystal ball is in the shop right now, but one theory says that — after November — the White House will be forced to just go through the motions until 2012 (barring a state of emergency) and then, "Don't let the door hit you the way out."

The theory of the other camp is talking about a Dynasty: 8 years of Barry and 8 years of Michelle, followed by 8 years by the Kenyan half-brother. Stranger things have happened in world history (another subject on which our college students could use some remedial education).

Well, that was the week-that-was, and you will be quizzed on this later. Much later.

P.S. What was Representative Barton thinking anyway? He must have had a sodium pentathol moment. Like Joe Wilson when he said, "You lie."

© Curtis Dahlgren


The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
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Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)


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