Curtis Dahlgren
Dumbest trade since Bosox traded Babe Ruth for a candy bar
By Curtis Dahlgren
June 8, 2014

"Shall we sell our birthright for a mess of potash?" – Artemus Ward

"MISTAKE" (?) – that word hardly does "justice" to it; this was the worst trade since Esau sold his inheritance for a bowl of soup, a veggie soup to boot! This was the biggest "mistake" since Russia sold us Alaska, the biggest "mistake" since Jefferson snookered Napoleon I-am-the-throne Bonaparte out of the wild, wild West.

I talking about the trade-off announced last weekend about the decision to close more coal plants by the EPA – the take-it-or-leave-it announcement, the like-it-or-lump-it deal (we get a lump of coal and electricity rates that could kill the "middle class"). Meanwhile, the 16,000 EPA employees get raises like V.A. administrator/liars!

- Nixon said "I am not a crook."

- B.O. said "I am not naïve."

- A Slender Man web site now says "We are not a crazy satanic cult."

Yeah right, but it's difficult to know where to start on just one week's news items. When the state of Wisconsin makes news, it's either something very, very good, or very horrible (if that's not redundant). I remember Ed Gein (not personally) and Jeffery Dahmer (ditto), but I remember losing eight good friends in a church shooting in 2005. I was saved from attending by a car problem/miracle.

Now it's Slender Man, a skating rink, a sleepover, and an attempted homicide that should lead to a ban on all knives – or at least the open-carry of knives.

You may say "How can you make jokes at a time like this?" I say easily. As Art Buchwald used to say:

"Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got . . . You can't make anything up anymore. The world itself is a satire. All we are doing is recording it."

He was such a kidder, equal opportunity-wise, but he'd probably be boycotted these days because the Left has absolutely no sense of humor. Even the so-called "Redskins" issue is considered a serious controversy. Think about it:

One Christian is martyred on average every three hours, but some people – even some Christians – are more concerned about "offensive" T-shirts or team nicknames. However, there is no movement afoot to ban the term "Native Americans" even though they stole that name from Amerigo Vespucci and are evidently mocking him and are therefore "hurting" someone somewhere!

are the Minnesotan NFL-ers "mocking" the Vikings? Are the Packers "mocking" meat packers? As a real stretch, they could be mocking "people who do jobs Americans won't do anymore." If that statement is true, the workers aren't Americans then? It's got to be one or da udder, as we say up here.

But I wander far afield, like the climate change controversy. I see it's 100 degrees in Redding, California but so what? The icebergs in Lake Superior just melted a few days ago without any polar bear sightings. So, there's nothing new under the SUN, which is the ultimate determinant of our temps. Art Buchwald once said:

"Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was."

Was he talking about CNN, MSNBC, or Al Jazeera? If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything. The powers-that-be think that the people have been dumbed-down to the point where they will believe anything, and – for the media at least – that's true!

Speaking of the media, a YouTube video that no one ever heard of was blamed for the terrorism at Benghazi. Dumb question, but how come the media never complains about the "videos" coming out of Hollywood and Northridge? Those might be "despicable and offensive" too – at least to Muslims, eh? But what difference does it make NOW?

By the way, Osama is dead maybe, but General Motors is dying – like D-Day vets on a V.A. waiting list. In conclusion, the people of 91102 may not be happy, but at least they know how to play happy people on TV.

PPS: This COOL generation may not know the secret to happiness, but Charles Dickens once said:

"Train up a fig tree in the way it should grow and when you are old, sit under the shade of it."

As an arborist, I like that one. I call this the XYZ generation; are they starting to honor their fathers and mothers again? At least they're all still living at home. That's what happens when you have a Depression going on. Robert Green Ingersoll once wrote:

"In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments – there are consequences."

inevitable consequences," said Rudyard Kipling. Ralph Waldo Emerson said:

"Shallow men believe in luck, believe in circumstances . . . Strong men believe in cause and effect."

Or as Peter the Apostle said on Pentecost:

"Repent and [then] be baptized."

© Curtis Dahlgren


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Curtis Dahlgren

Curtis Dahlgren is semi-retired in southern Wisconsin, and is the author of "Massey-Harris 101." His career has had some rough similarities to one of his favorite writers, Ferrar Fenton... (more)


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