Originally written May 7, 2017

Did you see, hear, and read the news regarding Australia’s Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull in the past few days? He was in New York City for something or another, and had a meeting with President Trump. If you recall in January, Mr. Turnbull and Mr. Trump seemed to be at odds over a deal made by President Obama. In that deal President Obama agreed the US would accept Muslim refugees that appeared to be in excess in Australia. President Obama just wanted to help out a pal and agreed that, because there appeared to be something of a popular backlash against Muslim refugees and immigrants down under, we’d take them here. I don’t recall him asking any of us about it, and I know darned well he didn’t consult Donald Trump. Trump simply told Turnbull “no way” and killed that deal.

It was the right thing to do all around. No President should ever make such a deal, especially in the waning days of his/her administration. But, Obama did, and Trump even more quickly undid. There was talk of acrimony between the Prime Minister and our President, but there didn’t seem to be any in New York. The two met and seemed to have a lovely time together. I’m sure they compared wallet photos of their kids and grandkids, then talked about their golf handicaps and the great courses each has played. I’m pretty sure they didn’t talk about the Obama refugee offer at all. Why would they? It’s old news. Trump has spoken! Let’s move on! And, apparently they did.

After their grand last embrace Prime Minister Turnbull toured all the TV talk shows to put out the Australian party line. He avowed the relationship between our countries to be extraordinarily strong and based on many decades of shared risks and rewards. We’re cousins, you know? He went on to utter a lot of words about trade, sovereignty, and the right of all nations to determine who comes in and who goes out. It was a grand performance, full of smiles and all that “hail fellow well-met” stuff. Some of it is even true.

Turnbull understands the US President can’t be an adversary. He’d have done nearly anything to make sure he and President Trump are on good terms. Lucky for him, Trump wants that, too. He also understands Australia needs the US far more than the US needs Australia. We may love our funny talking cousins down there, and everyone loves kangaroos, wallabies, and koalas, but that doesn’t mean we can’t establish foreign and trade policies that seemingly forget they exist. The Prime Minister would have a very hard time going back home and explaining anything other than how lovely New York is and what a wonderful fellow President Trump is, and what a great and elegant beauty the new First Lady is, and what a ripping good time he had on his trip. It was preordained the visit would be marked by extreme chumminess.

While out on the talk circuit Mr. Turnbull said some extraordinary things. Most had to do with free trade, national sovereignty, and immigration. If you listened to him you’d think the guy was from Alabama or Texas. He speaks “free trade” like a libertarian. He talks of the virtues of national sovereignty as if he’s a Southern conservative Republican. His words on immigration mirrored Trump’s own at times and Ted Cruz’s at others. Gee, what’s not to like about the guy? He seems like he’s … one of us. Really?

You all should have been paying attention to Australia these past few years. Some of you have, but others might be a bit oblivious. It’s not the Australia of old, any more than this is the US of old. Only in Australia, their “decline” has been far more rapid than here. They appear to be on track to becoming quite the model of the modern progressive-socialist state.

A few years back some smart aleck decided Australia had too many guns. Somehow they managed to convince the majority in the legislature that guns were bad, bad, bad, and the only people who should have them are those in the outback who need to dispatch dingos, roos, and the occasional saltwater croc. The government held national events where people turned in their arms in a buy-back scheme, all of which were destroyed. Yes, my friends, Australia, the land of Crocodile Dundee, Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, Mad Max, Nicole Kidman, Quigley Down Under (and … did I mention Nicole Kidman?) is disarmed. Well, not really. The truth is, the disarmament effort in Australia has been something of a bust. Their government estimates there are approximately 2,600,000 “illegal” guns in the land, whose owners assertively flout the law. Meanwhile, news in recent times indicates the rates for certain crimes, like assaults and burglaries have skyrocketed in areas where gun control is strongest. After all, where there’s no fear of death from a homeowner, what’s to put a damper on such crimes? And, just like the bumper sticker predicts, average citizens might not have guns, but a whole lot of criminals do. It’s no wonder Mel Gibson and Barry Gibb live here and Keith Urban is always on our TVs. As dangerous as the US is thought to be, it’s safer here than Australia.

Remember, the real reason any nation outlaws and confiscates guns has nothing to do with crime or other dangers, except those dangers guns pose to those who might want firmer control over their people. It’s all in the history books, folks. More guns = more freedom. Besides, the ability to protect yourself is an acknowledged Natural Right. You all know that, don’t you? Average Aussies seem to. They’ll risk being branded as criminals if it allows them to protect themselves.

The Prime Minister was a bit irritating in his enthusiastic embrace of free trade, sovereign rights, and immigration control. If you wonder why, just consider Australia will be the largest signatory to the Trans-Pacific Partnership now that President Trump has pulled the US out of the agreement. It takes no genius to consider the truth of TPP and conclude Mr. Turnbull was pulling our collective leg. If he was so adamant for truly free trade, he wouldn’t be amenable to signing on to any agreement built around regulation of trade. He would never think to agree to anything that would require his nation to host foreigners on a long term basis just because they work for a company that does business within the trade zone. He’d certainly never want to sign on to something that would gut much of Australia’s current immigration statutes. But, the truth is, he is and does. Those things are at the heart of TPP; as well as the extra-national decision making commissions it will establish. If Mr. Turnbull really understood TPP he’d understand signing it will make Australia a state of a much larger nation – TransPacifica. All the sovereign authority will reside within those unelected commissions TPP establishes.

So here’s to you, Mr. Malcolm Turnbull, Mr. Prime Minister of Australia. Here’s to you and all our Australian cousins. We’re happy you enjoyed yourself on this trip. We’re happy you and President Trump got along like old public school chums (that’s public school as they understand it, not like we do). It does our hearts good, and after all, we are cousins, aren’t we? It’s good for cousins to like each other. So, we’re happy about all of that. But, don’t for a second think we’re buying your act. In America, if there’s one thing we know well, it’s when out posteriors are being kissed. And you, Mr. Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull, you weren’t just kissing our posterior, you were trying your best to leave a hickey.

We’re watching you!