Matt C. Abbott
A sensitive but important topic in Catholic circles.
From Vatican News (Jan. 29):
Bai Macfarlane wrote in an email:
Rose Sweet wrote in an email and on her Facebook page:
- keep in mind the higher goods of spouses and the children
- provide wise counsel, ongoing support, and quality resources
- walk with the family members toward healing and some form of reconciliation
- assist parties in proper post-divorce parenting skills
- come out of shadowy thinking and walk in the light of God’s clear truth
- provide language to parents so they can explain to the children the truth of what has happened: a terrible tragedy but also an opportunity to lean on God, rest in his love, practice forgiveness, offer up suffering, and find new and virtuous ways of living, loving each other, and seeking holiness.
Divorce is what changes a family, not a tribunal’s subsequent acknowledgement of the truth.
Tribunals are not charged with the pastoral needs of the family, but the legal needs—interpreting, defending, and upholding the truth regardless of outside pressures. This is what holds families, churches, and nations together. If it’s true that marital consent was gravely defective, the Church tribunals must uphold the law regardless of the impassioned desires and painful emotions of the parties or onlookers.
The wider, devastating chaos we have in our culture today is due in large part to decades of church and civic leaders dismissing the law, watering it down, or redefining it so that people can be happy. This is the slippery slope into destruction, and ironically it is precisely what can lead to divorce.
Divorce terribly changes a family, but it can never extinguish it altogether. Family bonds are unbreakable and last throughout eternity—have you ever thought of that?—and it is grace and time that can help to heal and restore relationships, not court orders.
We must not remain inactive. We are the ones—clergy, laity, missions, and apostolates—not the judges, who must be there to pastorally support the affected family. I am sounding the call once again, as I have for thirty years, for parishes to:
We must protect and prepare our children for the realities of life. It’s a ridiculously tough job these days and we must guide not just the divorced but all families to true peace and joy—regardless of their unjust or painful circumstances.
We must not remove the cross, but—like Simon and Veronica—help families affected by divorce with the heavy lifting and the wiping away of their tears.
We must not ignore truth and water down the law; we must pay attention to the truth and use it to strengthen hearts.
I see great wisdom in a pure, unaffected, and rigorous upholding of the truth and of the law. Pastoral care is a vital and complementary but separate mission. It is Christ who told us the truth would set us free and we must believe and trust him. We all wish—don’t we?—that truth would just not cause us so much pain.
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