Jen Shroder
Eco-Nazi jihad with light bulb death bombs
By Jen Shroder
November 16, 2009

I'm dying.

It's true. I just found out this morning.

I broke a CFL light bulb a few months back and was just informed I've been contaminated, exposed, full of mercury poisoning which will give me Alzhiemers (something I can't even spell off the cuff).

Am I the only one that's broken a freaking light bulb? Since when has that carried a death sentence?

Since the libs took office, oh yeah.

Eco-Nazis. Legislation enforcing we use these spagetti-noodled death bombs. All you Jihadi suicide bombers can relax now, we'll take over from here. Just let the libs force us all to buy these little white death grenades and we'll blow ourselves up or poison our water and save you the trouble.

Neal Langerman of the American Chemical Society Division of Chemical Health and Safety, said "If you have a municipal urban landfill and have a population of 450,000 households disposing of one or two CFLs a year — you do the math. Put one-half milligram of mercury per bulb, it amounts to a significant loading, and mercury does migrate into groundwater."

But wait, the government estimates a whopping 10% of CFLs are disposed of safely, so only 90% of these bulbs that cause birth defects will wreak death and destruction upon us. Brain damage, birth defects, vision distortions, hearing, speaking and hair loss for starters, even death. What genius came up with this plan? And which politicians are pushing to legislate that we use these death grenades instead of waiting for inexpensive LED alternatives??? The road leads to none other but the abortion mill left, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. Mercury gas seems to hang about a foot off the ground, perfect if you want to gas toddlers. These Eco-Nazis are eliminating any other affordable light bulbs. Oh wait, I forgot, I'm the only mom that's ever broken a CFL.

Seriously, who knew I wasn't supposed to sweep up the busted light bomb when I broke the thing? Apparently I should have held my breath, run out of the house and called out the Hazmat squad the second I heard the pop and tinkle explosion, so they could come and test the air, quarantine my house for a week and charge me enough to feed China. ONE spagetti-bomb contains over 300x the safe level of mercury gas and even after it's aired out, mercury levels can resurge. We're also supposed to replace any carpet it breaks on.

But no, I breathed the thing in when I swept it up off my hardwood floor. Good thing I immediately wrapped it all up in plastic and carefully drove 40 minutes away to dispose of it safely or else I would have contaminated everyone that came in contact with my trash (hey identity thieves, where were you that week?) The landfill would have been contaminated, the groundwater would have eventually been contaminated, the whole ecosystem would have collapsed because I broke a light bulb. I'm so glad everyone ELSE in my neighborhood has been careful to drive all the way to the Hazardous Waste Site to dispose of these death grenades properly. We're all familiar with that site, and have NO CLUE how NINETY PERCENT of these death bombs are getting lost along the way, according to government estimates. (Innocent look).

Young moms take great care to be sure we childproof our homes, we put safety latches on all the cabinets, blockade all light sockets better than Fort Worth, some of us even lock up the toilets to be sure little Johnny doesn't fall in and drown, WHO KNEW we were installing Weapons of Mass Destruction in our lampstands, ticking time bombs sometimes thrown in the trash a few feet from the baby crib?


Not to worry, ObamaCare is coming. And if our children are born deformed, Obama's Czar Holdren, who is said to promote forced abortions, can decide if your children are worthy to live.

What other plans have they got for children that escaped the abortion mills? Will Christmas tree lights have to be...what a silly question, poisonous Christmas, this is atheist brilliance.

If my kids have been contaminated by this Eco-nightmare from these insane Go-Green Totalitarian thugs in office, then I'm getting out my activist gear and they will be hearing from me soon. I wanted to write, "and heads will roll" but I have to be careful. Obama has a terrorist watch list. After all I am a bitter Bible-clinging rightwing extremist, my apron is my shield, I might hurt him with my rolling pin.

Oh wait, just throw me one of Pelosi's mercury bombs and I'm armed.

Do these agencies equally warn conservatives and libs about lacing our homes with toddler poison? If they give a million dollars to that liberal rag, the New York Times, do they also give a million dollars to notify conservatives through...through...uh oh.

Obama's beloved Fox News?


© Jen Shroder


The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
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